I typed an essay in Word …
I typed an essay in Word about a concerned Bugs Bunny. I then saved it as ‘Whats Up.doc’
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Girlfriend has just asked …
Girlfriend has just asked me if I want to watch a dirty movie. Was rather excited, until she showed me a DVD with chocolate smeared on it.
Continue ReadingMy wife says i never help …
My wife says i never help out with the dinner. “Okay. Fine!” I said, “What do you want me to do?” “Do you think you could manage to stick some food in the bowl?” she called. “I’m one step ahead of you!” I said triumphantly.” I even flushed it.”
Continue ReadingThey say that no news is …
They say that no news is good news. Which means I’ve got a ton of job interviews lined up.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Paedophilia. The librarian says; “Just have this boy – he asked me for a book on memory loss and he said he can’t find his dad.”
Continue ReadingYou know there’s nothing …
You know there’s nothing in this world that makes me feel quite as happy as when I told my kids that we where going to disneyland for our holidays this year It’s not the excitement in their faces or how happy they where, it was the total devestation when I told them it was disneyland […]
Continue ReadingI noticed in the song, “D …
I noticed in the song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” there’s a line that says, ‘and there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time’. Well, I’m no weather forecaster but I don’t know many areas in the Southern Hemisphere that are going to get a lot of snow at all during their summer.
Continue ReadingWhy did the chicken cross …
Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the oncoming woman driver.
Continue ReadingMy local baker offered me …
My local baker offered me a very good price to make a birthday cake. Then he said he would decorate it for free. Well, that was just the icing on the cake.
Continue ReadingIf you forget to say ‘Pik …
If you forget to say ‘Pik’ before a sneeze, you can always say ‘Bacca’ after it.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Susan Boyle? Susan Boyle hasn’t been fingered.
Continue ReadingThe government have refus …
The government have refused to subsidise my farmville, so I refuse to back their war in afghanistanville.
Continue ReadingI called my wife fat yest …
I called my wife fat yesterday, I don’t know why, her names Sarah.
Continue ReadingI saw a woman at the gym …
I saw a woman at the gym who was looking a bit bewildered. I walked over and said “Hi, you must be new”. She laughed and said “Is it so obvious?” “Yes” I replied “You’re seriously out of shape”.
Continue ReadingMy mum was impressed with …
My mum was impressed with my newly completed bathroom, but suggested I get a toilet brush? I’m not so sure.. having used it for the first time today, I can honestly say I prefer toilet paper.
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