Lately I’ve been really paranoid that my wife is going to cheat on me, so when I heard she fancied Sir Paul McCartney I broke into his house and rigged his guitar to electrocute him. Now that’s one Les Paul to worry about.
Continue ReadingAdding a joke to Sickipedia is like having a baby.. Everybody can see it until it gets buried.
Continue Reading“It’s all smoke and mirrors …” I thought, after my budgie’s cage caught fire.
Continue ReadingMy tom tom says “Estimated Arrival Time.” I hear “Time to Beat.”
Continue ReadingMy wife suggested we try a little role reversal in the bedroom. I can’t wait! Now it is her turn to wear the French maid dress and fishnet stockings.
Continue ReadingMe & the girlfriend are like chalk & cheese. I’m usually found at the side of junior football pitches, while she tempts them into the car with Dairylea triangles.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t believe it when my girlfriend ditched me yesterday. I knew it was a bad idea giving her driving lessons.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Forensic tests on river remains Seems a bit pointless to me. Fairly sure it will come back as H2O
Continue ReadingI got thrown out of The Open at Wentworth earlier. Apparently, ‘Having a lovely touch around the greens’ is frowned upon when you’re a spectator.
Continue Reading“What are you chewing?” “Apple seeds.” “What’s the point in that?” “They make you more intelligent.” “Oh. Could you give me a couple then?” “Sure. One pound per seed.” “Hmm. OK. I’ll take five.” After chewing for a while … “You know, I could buy a lot of apples for a fiver …” “See? The […]
Continue ReadingI came out of the front door this morning. Got the Milkman right in the face.
Continue ReadingFound a wallet. If your VISA card is 4678 2345 2828 9001 exp. 11/12 CVV 810 get in touch as I’ve also got your I.D. and business cards.
Continue ReadingThey used to say that great story telling was to start at the end. Once upon a time.
Continue ReadingI recently got invited to a facebook group, ‘Treat your girl how you would treat your xbox’; I joined because it’s true in so many ways. I get bored of it after about half an hour, I hit it when it doesn’t work and when a better model is available, I sell my old one […]
Continue ReadingI used to do athletics at school. The hurdles was my favourite event but I had to stop. There were too many obstacles in my way.
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