My Dad was just telling m …
My Dad was just telling me that when he retires, he wants to go somewhere hot that gets loads of sunshine. So I suggested Mercury.
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I was nibbling the top of …
I was nibbling the top of a Magnum earlier. It’s a good job I’d remembered to put the safety catch on.
Continue ReadingIll never understand wome …
Ill never understand women. My wife has been nagging at me for months to do something constructive. Now Ive finally taken her advice she complains that Im building a wall between us.
Continue ReadingI said to my Chinese mate …
I said to my Chinese mate “I saw the most beautiful woman when I was in the United Arab Emirates” He said “Dubai?” I said “nah, she was too expensive.”
Continue ReadingI took this personality t …
I took this personality test on the internet, and it said… “Describe yourself in one word.” I answered, “Not good at following instructions.”
Continue ReadingWhen I was younger my mom …
When I was younger my mom always used to tell me that rain drops were the tears of god, you could imagine the look on her face when I asked her what snow was.
Continue ReadingI’ve just watched Nip/Tuc …
I’ve just watched Nip/Tuck. Or as it’s more commonly known, “Rush Hour”.
Continue ReadingI always get interrupted …
I always get interrupted whenever I’m playing the Air Harp in public by people asking why I’ve summoned them over.
Continue ReadingIt’s lucky I checked my f …
It’s lucky I checked my facebook, I was just about to go outside in my vest & pants,
Continue ReadingBefore light bulbs were i …
Before light bulbs were invented what used to pop above peoples heads when they had a good idea?
Continue ReadingMick Hucknall of Simply R …
Mick Hucknall of Simply Red has been prosecuted for raping a rabbit, Apparently when he was caught he was singing “Holding back the ears” and “Bunnies too tight to mention”
Continue ReadingMen who have tools in a w …
Men who have tools in a womans mouth arent always dentists…
Continue ReadingI hated my job as an orig …
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
Continue ReadingMy boss is always onto me …
My boss is always onto me for being late in work. I make up for it though by leaving early.
Continue ReadingI woke up in the middle o …
I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the spirit of my former girlfriend materialise at the foot of my bed. I was utterly terrified, I just didn’t ex spectre.
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