My talking dog gave me a …
My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away. That’s a bit far-fetched.
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I like to impress to wome …
I like to impress to women by showing off the newest technology. I’m always most confident with my foot on the pedal of a sleek new machine. Unfortunately, most of them have seen that type of bin before.
Continue ReadingHola Hoops have a promoti …
Hola Hoops have a promotional going: Win a Land Rover in selected packs today! Unfortunately, all the packs in my local shop were just regular size.
Continue ReadingNews: Cat killed by snipe …
News: Cat killed by sniper. I guess putting them in bins got boring
Continue ReadingDifficult day at work tod …
Difficult day at work today… Got in big trouble for having a wee drink on the job and lacking in productivity. In my defence, another fire engine was only five minutes behind…
Continue ReadingI have an irrational fear …
I have an irrational fear of remotes, it’s getting out of control.
Continue ReadingIf i was given a penny fo …
If i was given a penny for everytime i answered a question vaguely… I would have a lot of pennies
Continue ReadingTried to impress my wife …
Tried to impress my wife this morning by putting all the plates in the dishwasher before she came home. Apparently, we don’t have a dishwasher. Another washing machine ruined…
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Men tell more …
BBC News: “Men tell more lies than women” No we don’t.
Continue ReadingI heard a genuinely hilar …
I heard a genuinely hilarious joke earlier today, I’d post it here but it would look totally out of place..
Continue ReadingWHERE IS THE NEAREST LIBR …
WHERE IS THE NEAREST LIBRARY TO THE ERSKINE BRIDGE? It may be the only library on earth that hands out the book we have all been looking for.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me if I’d e …
My mate asked me if I’d ever seen Paddington Bear. I said “No, but I’ve seen Kings Cross evacuated.”
Continue ReadingI think I have an obsessi …
I think I have an obsession with black people but I can’t say Fo’ Sho’.
Continue ReadingIf counting sheep helps y …
If counting sheep helps you sleep, you’re probably going to be fired from being a livestock auditor.
Continue ReadingAt the end of the night I …
At the end of the night I dropped a girl off at her house and thought I’d try my luck. “Aren’t you going to invite me in for a cup of tea?” I asked. “Of course I’m not!” she shouted, getting out of my taxi.
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