A local Tailor was suppos …
A local Tailor was supposed to come to my house today to adjust my trouser legs. He didn’t turn up.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
When I’m around my wife’s …
When I’m around my wife’s family, it is like being in The Wizard of Oz. Her dad doesn’t have a heart, her mum doesn’t have a brain and I don’t have the courage to kill them.
Continue ReadingI tried teaching one of m …
I tried teaching one of my students what “sharing” means.I showed him videos of kids and adults sharing, nothing.I described real life examples and still nothing.After an endless amount of teaching, the act of sharing still confused him. I gave up. “Shalom” he said as he left the room.
Continue ReadingThe other day I made my c …
The other day I made my car completely theft proof. I slapped a Toyota badge on it.
Continue ReadingI’ve started working for …
I’ve started working for a company that produces Punch and Judy shows. I made a few suggestions to modernise the show, using new technology and cgi, Unfortunately the boss likes to pull all the strings.
Continue ReadingI just came back from a c …
I just came back from a country where it’s extremely hot and damp. There it’s just like being in a damp, heated sports arena. It’s called Indoornesia
Continue ReadingLooking at the sea of fac …
Looking at the sea of faces, eyes filled with panic, crushed together in fear of their lives, Scouse voices shrieking out, I felt that I was reliving the horror of Hillsborough. Then I remembered…. I was in Matalan.
Continue ReadingWhiteboards are remarkabl …
Whiteboards are remarkable.
Continue ReadingI’ve just found out that …
I’ve just found out that my ex-girlfriend’s nickname was ‘good day’. She was had by all.
Continue ReadingThis wouldn’t have happen …
This wouldn’t have happened the Fritzls.
Continue ReadingMy neighbour claims to be …
My neighbour claims to be an equine vet, but he’s not foaling anyone.
Continue ReadingEveryone seen the “30000 …
Everyone seen the “30000 Members And I Release Madeleine McCann!!” group on facebook? I see a lot of people are writing this group is sick. Now I’m not particularly hip or ghetto, but I’m pretty sure “sick” is a good thing.
Continue ReadingBBC news: ‘Rescuers may h …
BBC news: ‘Rescuers may have killed hostage.’ Not exactly rescuers then, are they?
Continue ReadingI went to the doctors wit …
I went to the doctors with a red, itchy patch on my arm. I was told the arm had to be amputated. Bit of a rash decision, if you ask me.
Continue ReadingTesco: ‘Try Our New Handm …
Tesco: ‘Try Our New Handmade Sandwiches Today’. As opposed to the other sandwiches which they made with their feet.
Continue Reading