At my takeaway the same m …
At my takeaway the same man takes my order, Cooks my food, And delivers it to my door, The recession must have hit my local chinese really bad.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Sainsburys: Half price jo …
Sainsburys: Half price joints this festive period! I’m not sure when they legalized it but I am going to get so stoned this Christmas.
Continue ReadingI don’t understand the po …
I don’t understand the point of doing The Sun Dreamteam. You have to spend 50m on players for a chance to win 500,000. That’s a heavy loss, no thanks!
Continue ReadingMy wife and I came home f …
My wife and I came home from a night out to find our fifteen year old son fast asleep on the settee. “Seeing as he’s fast asleep, do you want to, you know” my wife winked at me “brilliant idea, love,what team do you want to be?” i replied while grabbing the xbox pad and […]
Continue ReadingIf the internet had never …
If the internet had never been invented, I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am today… A Lol.
Continue ReadingI walked into a shop and …
I walked into a shop and said, “Ten Lambert please, mate.” The cashier said, “It’s not mate. My name is on my badge.” So I replied, “Okay. Ten Lambert please, ASDA.”
Continue ReadingI was sat plucking away a …
I was sat plucking away at my guitar when I thought… …this thing doesn’t have any feathers.
Continue ReadingNudist groups have been l …
Nudist groups have been looking for new young recruits due to drooping members.
Continue ReadingMy American friend asked …
My American friend asked me if I understood what ‘math’ is. I said, “Yes, It’s a spelling error.”
Continue ReadingWorrying works! 99% of th …
Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “Can we put …
My wife said, “Can we put the Christmas tree up tonight?” I said, “Why, has it got nowhere else to stay?”
Continue ReadingWhat’s a mexicans favouri …
What’s a mexicans favourite book? Tequila Mockingbird
Continue ReadingWhat has a turkey and my …
What has a turkey and my wife got in common? Neither of them know yet that they are going to get a good fisting over my kitchen sink next week.
Continue ReadingI said to my son, “Sorry …
I said to my son, “Sorry I didn’t get you anything for your birthday, but on a totally un-related subject, you’re adopted.”
Continue ReadingI hope that Peter Harvey’ …
I hope that Peter Harvey’s victim has updated his Facebook status. It specifically asks ”What’s on your mind”. That’ll be a large block of lead then.
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