As any zombie will agree, …
As any zombie will agree, the most important thing to look for in a woman is brains
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Two Drums and a Cymbal fa …
Two Drums and a Cymbal fall off a cliff…. Badoom Boom Tshhhhhhh
Continue ReadingI found it hard following …
I found it hard following my father’s footsteps. He’s got really big prints and my wheel chair keeps getting stuck in the mud.
Continue ReadingA polite cannibal won’t l …
A polite cannibal won’t leave the table until everyone’s eaten.
Continue ReadingMy son lost a tooth last …
My son lost a tooth last night so I gave him a pound. Then he lost some more.
Continue ReadingI got a taxi back from th …
I got a taxi back from the airport last night. As I got out the driver said, “That’s thirty quid please mate.” I said, “I’ve only got Baht on me.” He said, “You must have some english on you?” I said, “Nope, unfortunately my money is all Thai’d up.”
Continue ReadingEvery time I get sick, I …
Every time I get sick, I always manage to use the internet to diagnose myself And convince myself I’m dying.
Continue ReadingI’ve been teaching my lit …
I’ve been teaching my little girl to ride a bike, Today I took the stabilisers off. She sped along the pavement, clipped the neighbours car, went straight through our hedge and hit the garage door. I thought it was a disaster but the wife called it a successful parking manoeuvre.
Continue ReadingWhen I’m bored I like to …
When I’m bored I like to go into a crowded elevator and say ‘You all are probably wondering why I gathered you here’ with the straightest face.
Continue Reading“Do you even know what si …
“Do you even know what simultaneous commentating means?” “I do, as it happens.”
Continue ReadingThe Tango has been declar …
The Tango has been declared part of the world’s Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by the United Nations. I still prefer Fanta though.
Continue ReadingI don’t like to cherry pi …
I don’t like to cherry pick, but I want the thirteen year old Asian girl standing second from the left.
Continue ReadingWhat have Gardening tools …
What have Gardening tools and People got in common? The Hoes are always with the Spades.
Continue ReadingFor those people who say …
For those people who say “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”. See a Doctor, you’ll live longer.
Continue ReadingEver since I filled up my …
Ever since I filled up my Zippo I haven’t been able to lift it out of my pocket. I think I need some lighter fluid.
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