I’m a fan of sky sports. …
I’m a fan of sky sports. I managed to shoot a couple of paragliders down yesterday.
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I put a Time Bomb in my m …
I put a Time Bomb in my mate’s car the other day. He was really ticked off.
Continue ReadingAmy Winehouse drives an a …
Amy Winehouse drives an automatic. Ever since her dad banned her from touching any gear
Continue ReadingA question for the older …
A question for the older guys who remember Punk… When you go into your “Start menu properties” in windows and see the option “Lock The Taskbar” do you spend the next half an hour singing Clash tunes?
Continue ReadingLife is a struggle. Human …
Life is a struggle. Humans are constantly creating technology that is more idiot proof, the universe is constantly creating better idiots. Thus far the universe is winning.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it strange……… …
Isn’t it strange………… I can spend hours online, but as soon as my girlfriend comes round, there is nothing I want to look at on the internet.
Continue ReadingWalking through town toda …
Walking through town today and my girlfriend said she felt sorry for all the homeless people. I thought “Get a grip. Look how much money they save on house insurance”
Continue ReadingA clock with a mirror? Ti …
A clock with a mirror? Time for reflection.
Continue ReadingIve discovered a new bree …
Ive discovered a new breed of dog that loves handjobs. Its called a pullmastiff.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a duck t …
What do you call a duck that meets its future self? A Pairadux
Continue ReadingEating garlic bread is a …
Eating garlic bread is a lot like fingering. It feels great at the time but you know there’ll be a smell afterwards.
Continue ReadingA mate of mine was tellin …
A mate of mine was telling me that he has got a twelve inch sub in the boot of his car. He should really keep that in the fridge.
Continue ReadingHas anyone in the Brighto …
Has anyone in the Brighton area lost a small black and white kitten? Because I’ve just run it over.
Continue ReadingMy kid came home and crie …
My kid came home and cried, “Dad! The kids at school told me I have a face only a parent could love!” I replied, “That’s nonsense, dear. I hate your face too.”
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me “I’m l …
My wife said to me “I’m leaving you, you’re the laziest man I’ve ever met. I’ll be back tomorrow to collect my stuff” “Please don’t babe” I begged “Come back Monday instead. It’s your turn to take out the bins.”
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