An American takes his boo …
An American takes his books back to the library. “You were late.” says the librarian. “No, they were due back today.” Protests the American. “I was talking about World War One and Two.”
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My kids want a dog but I’ …
My kids want a dog but I’ve refused to get them a Labrador. It’s frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it funny how two sm …
Isn’t it funny how two small spelling mistakes can ruin your day? My wife’s text got me so excited two weeks after leaving for Florida. Anyway, turned out she was waiting at Heathrow for a cab, not Deathrow for a jab.
Continue ReadingI know a Rastafarian who …
I know a Rastafarian who always leaves his house and car open. He dreads locks.
Continue ReadingHave you noticed how Goog …
Have you noticed how Google Street View only includes areas that have “Google” spraypainted on the street, which just so happen to be directly facing the camera? How convenient.
Continue Reading“Whistle while you work” …
“Whistle while you work” In hindsight, this is probably not the best of ways to hold down a job at the library.
Continue ReadingI’m currently reading a b …
I’m currently reading a book about North African invaders during Medieval times and can’t put it down. Its very moorish.
Continue ReadingI love it when you’re jus …
I love it when you’re just strolling down the high-street, and someone offers you a freebie. Like earlier, there was this funny looking geezer waving a hat full of 10p’s at me, very nice of him.
Continue ReadingI was having dinner in a …
I was having dinner in a restaurant when the waiter said, “Can I get your bill, sir?” I said, “Are you sure that you can afford it?”
Continue ReadingWhy didn’t the skeleton g …
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because David was playing in a football match.
Continue ReadingI got the last seat on a …
I got the last seat on a crowded bus when an old lady got on. Someone said, “look at the poor woman without a seat,give it up for her” so i cheered and gave her a round of applause.
Continue ReadingI’ve just written a book …
I’ve just written a book on suicide. If this site is anything to go by, it’ll be a best seller.
Continue ReadingThis morning some salesma …
This morning some salesman saw me lying on the bed and went”Sir that one looks really comfortable but have you tried the new Seally Posturepedic Super comfort matress yet?” I went,”I can tell you sales people are very desperate in these hard times.” He went,”Why,is it because of my sales pitch?” I went,”No mate,it’s because […]
Continue ReadingWhen’sa your Dolmio day? …
When’sa your Dolmio day? Bin day.
Continue ReadingA friend of mine was havi …
A friend of mine was having trouble naming her twin boys, she asked for my opinion so I advised her to go with what her gut was telling her. She went with Egg and Chips.
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