I was in line waiting to …
I was in line waiting to pay for my petrol and the guy at the front said, “Pump one.” Which got me thinking: “I wonder if the Queen ever says that to Prince Philip?”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Wagon wheels aren’t getti …
Wagon wheels aren’t getting smaller, it’s just that people have got bigger. Namely my wife. I blame Wagon wheels.
Continue ReadingMy server crashed due to …
My server crashed due to the death of Amy Winehouse. My wife heard the news on the car radio before hitting a tree.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes: Whack! “Argggghhhh!” The other goes: “Argggghhhh!” Whack!
Continue ReadingI stole some paint earlie …
I stole some paint earlier and when I got home I tipped it onto the floor and laid in it. Thought I’d better cover my back.
Continue ReadingMy friend Ray has this ra …
My friend Ray has this rare cyst that can only occur on members of the Caucasian race. It’s Ray’s cyst.
Continue ReadingA ghost floats into a bar …
A ghost floats into a bar. The barman says, “Who ordered a spirit?”
Continue ReadingGutted. Left a large bag …
Gutted. Left a large bag of those chocolate and toffee sweets in my car in the hot sun. What a sad state of eclairs.
Continue ReadingI told some homeless blok …
I told some homeless bloke he seriously needed to take a shower. He just gave me a dirty look.
Continue ReadingMy Mum is a top internati …
My Mum is a top international finance lawyer. That’s why she’s gone to Iceland
Continue ReadingAnyone else find it ironi …
Anyone else find it ironic that Heather Mills married a legend?
Continue ReadingI was recently the victim …
I was recently the victim of a Facebook group, “Most Immature Person In The World. Period”. I had to comment on this, so I posted on the group’s wall.. “Hahahahaha , PERIOD” yesterday at 4:20pm.
Continue ReadingThe trouble with the begg …
The trouble with the beggers on the street nowadays is that they just dont look the part. You know, if they just thought to put on a suit or cover up their stump i might send a little cash their way.
Continue ReadingThere are three guarantee …
There are three guarantees in life. Birth. Death. England not being able to win a penalty shootout in a major tournament in the quarter finals or beyond.
Continue ReadingWhy does Dr Pepper come i …
Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? Because his wife’s dead.
Continue Reading