I had enough of my girlfriend and her sarcastic “bird” comments. She would say things like, “You eat like a bird, you’re a birdbrain, etc”. As I walked out she said “Where are you going to go?” “Not sure, I’ll probably head south”.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head, it was tough being brought up in the gateau.
Continue ReadingI saw this man walking round all day with a drill. I think he’s got a screw loose.
Continue Readingschool kids hurt in ventilation collapse ( should have duct )
Continue ReadingI’ve always been put off by Subways slogan “Eat Fresh” As opposed to what?
Continue Reading“Whatever you do, don’t lose your cool. I lost my cool once, and it killed my career.” – LL J
Continue ReadingWhen I was growing up I was always told your measured on your success. Which is why I impersonate rulers
Continue ReadingAfter a long and costly legal battle, I found out you’re unlikely to be granted custody if they’re not your children to begin with.
Continue ReadingMy friend said I have the body of a celebrity. That Johnny Vegas bloke must be a stud.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Bee with a speech impediment? …. A Mumble Bee
Continue ReadingMy son has been walking up and down the high street nicking all the shop fascias and hiding them in the shed. I should have noticed earlier really, The signs were all there.
Continue ReadingWhats square and hairy? A pubic cube.
Continue ReadingStatistic’s show that 1 in 5 people lie in the workplace, although in the telemarketing sector it rises to 5 in 5.
Continue ReadingI got into an argument with a mathematician today. I told him to shut his Pi hole.
Continue ReadingI’ve called my dog ‘Macduff’. So when I’m about to take him for a walk, I can say “Lead on Macduff.” I also collect stamps and live with my mum.
Continue Reading