I’m an optimist. I hope. …
I’m an optimist. I hope.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
When the world is your oy …
When the world is your oyster, all you have to do is stay clam and collected.
Continue ReadingI don’t understand the ne …
I don’t understand the need for ‘hot water heaters’… Surely if the water is already hot, it doesn’t need to be heated.
Continue ReadingWhy didn’t the Notorious …
Why didn’t the Notorious B.I.G ever go on holiday? Because he didn’t like 2pac.
Continue ReadingMy kids were thrilled whe …
My kids were thrilled when I told them I was taking them on a Mickey Mouse holiday this year. I don’t know why they are looking forward to Grimsby so much.
Continue ReadingI had to take the wife to …
I had to take the wife to the garden centre today. It’s exactly 18 feet from the house and 8 feet from the neighbours fence and where we put up our washing line. Silly cow
Continue ReadingBBC news: Red Arrows fly …
BBC news: Red Arrows fly to home base. I don’t think they will stock anything in there to repair the broken one?
Continue ReadingA guy was arrested for gr …
A guy was arrested for groping a hotel receptionist. In court, his defence was: “When I arrived there, I drove through a gate marked ENTER, walked through a door saying PUSH, came to a desk with a bell that said PRESS and met a woman wearing a badge that said PAT.”
Continue ReadingSome chump tried to rob m …
Some chump tried to rob my newsagents the other day I tied him up and hid him in the chocolate section He’s behind bars now
Continue Reading“Can you do an impression …
“Can you do an impression of a parrot?” asked my mate. “Can you do an impression of a parrot?” I replied.
Continue ReadingI came accross 6 armed bu …
I came accross 6 armed buddahs. Aren’t they supposed to be gods of peace?
Continue ReadingThe new privacy settings …
The new privacy settings on Facebook will inevitably lead to 3 events: 1) A rapid increase in the number of lonely males over the age of 50 joining Facebook 2) A quiet period of a few days which they spend ‘finding friends’ 3) A sharp decline in the number of Facebook users below the age […]
Continue ReadingI’m currently on a Britis …
I’m currently on a British Airways flight and I’m appalled at the lack of health and safety… An oxygen mask has just hit me on the head.
Continue ReadingMy wife caused chaos yest …
My wife caused chaos yesterday by going up the motorway on the wrong side. She was in the driver’s seat.
Continue ReadingMy wife found out about m …
My wife found out about my Aussie and Polish mistresses. She got the info from the minister of foreign affairs.
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