I was sitting in the park watching some kids play football, when there was a big shout for a freekick. “Did you see the large amount of dip on that ball?” I said to this bloke walking past. But he just gave me a filthy look. It was like he’d never seen anybody naked, eating […]
Continue Readingi’m in a long distance relationship, shes still on her way from Thailand
Continue ReadingIf a guy comes up to you telling you his name is ‘Hype’… Don’t believe him.
Continue Readingdispite many threats when I was younger, I never did have my woe tied.
Continue ReadingDefinition of: “Hey Hun, are these recent pics”? On Facebook. Basically means: “Do you still look like that or have you got fatter and uglier”?
Continue ReadingI sent someone the web address of a picture of red bull and sugar It was a hyperlink
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to get some sleep. But most people have rubbed theirs away before I can ask for it.
Continue ReadingIt’s good too see that on the day of the Community Shield, Manchester City are doing their bit for charity and donating to the poor. Twenty million pounds to Everton for Jack Rodwell.
Continue ReadingI tied the knot with my girlfriend yesterday. We love going cub-scouts together.
Continue ReadingI had a threesome with a mate and an off duty police woman. Best game of piggy in the middle I’ve ever had.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get for successfully laying under a cow? A pat on the back.
Continue ReadingI make leather goods for a living. One of my customers sent me a letter of complaint today, claiming that the luggage I made for her was too top heavy and that the feet were unevenly placed, so she intended to sue me. I’m confident that her case will never stand up in court.
Continue ReadingJust saw that NSPCC advert, the one were it shows a young black kid looking threw a bin bag for food. Poor thing…..Must be a terrible life,yano, not being smart enough to look in the fridge.
Continue ReadingTook my son out camping for the first time and entrusted him to just pack the bare necessities. Now we’re stuck here for two days with nothing but honey and berries.
Continue ReadingA guy at work today said that “gullible” wasn’t in the dictionary. What an idiot I have just had a look and it is.
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