I was going to do a chari …
I was going to do a charity walk all the way through Iraq but I changed my mind. I ran.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My wife was going to leav …
My wife was going to leave me if I didn’t give up my obsession with the army. So as a romantic gesture, I flew all the way back from Afghanistan to take her on holiday. I probably didn’t pick the best destination, Iraq is quite cold at this time of year.
Continue ReadingThree boys were having a …
Three boys were having a urination contest on a wall, trying to aim as high as possible. One of the mother’s came along and scolded them for making a mess of a public wall. So when the fathers asked their sons about what the mother did to them, the sons all said, “she hit the […]
Continue ReadingWent for a drive in the c …
Went for a drive in the countryside today and went past a field full of Italian gangster stereotypes bailing up straw Must be the Mafias heyday.
Continue ReadingGuy 1: Look! It’s Irony m …
Guy 1: Look! It’s Irony man! Guy 2: Wow! What’s his special power? Guy 1: He irons really well! Guy 2: … Guy 1: Which is ironic because he’s a man.
Continue ReadingI came home early from wo …
I came home early from work yesterday to find my wife in bed with another woman. That would have made my day.
Continue ReadingTip: When your pupil’s pa …
Tip: When your pupil’s parent asks you why you wanted to be a teacher don’t reply “I’m a paedophile”
Continue ReadingI saw a sign on the A1 to …
I saw a sign on the A1 today that read, ” CAUTION – HORSE DRAWN VEHICLES AHEAD”. I was just impressed that they could hold a pencil.
Continue ReadingI went for a job intervie …
I went for a job interview. “Where would you like to see yourself in five years time?” he asked me. I thought and said, “Suspended on full pay.”
Continue ReadingA famous Football Player …
A famous Football Player is providing funding to build Travelodge, Holiday Inn, Premier Inn, Hilton & NOVOTEL Hotels on a busy crossroads in Manchester. Apparently it’s going to be a Super Inn Junction.
Continue Reading‘I’m not interested but t …
‘I’m not interested but thank you for calling.’ So erm, I’ve just lost my job working for ChildLine.
Continue ReadingMy daughter stood there. …
My daughter stood there. Her slender thighs covered in sheer stockings, her skirt so short it revealed the tops of her suspenders. She wore a top so tight and see-through that it showed every curve of her young supple body. My wife had decided that this was the last time I’d be sent clothes shopping […]
Continue ReadingWe don’t have any vegetab …
We don’t have any vegetable jokes yet, so if you know one, lettuce know…
Continue ReadingWhere do you find a rabbi …
Where do you find a rabbit hole? Under its tail.
Continue ReadingI don’t buy sure as the a …
I don’t buy sure as the adverts sound too sarcastic.
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