My mate is forever ‘getti …
My mate is forever ‘getting hold of the wrong end of the stick’, which wouldn’t be too bad usually, except he works on a sewage farm
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I went to a cafe and orde …
I went to a cafe and ordered a cup of tea today. The waitress came back with a cup of lukewarm water, a jug of milk, some sugar and a teabag. So when she asked for the money I gave her the ‘situations vacant’ page from the local paper and told her to make her […]
Continue ReadingHow many dancers does it …
How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8.
Continue ReadingApparently St George’s Da …
Apparently St George’s Day is also the anniversery of both Shakespeare’s birth and death. It’s pretty incredible that he wrote so much in less than a day.
Continue ReadingI applied for a job at my …
I applied for a job at my local ’99p Store’ and was pleased to get a telephone interview. “Can you confirm you are a full British Citizen?” the interviewer asked. “I am indeed, have been since I was born” I replied. “I’m sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for”
Continue ReadingMy friend tells me I don’ …
My friend tells me I don’t understand tenses. I won’t be able to believe he is saying this, I used to be outraged.
Continue ReadingThe police were at the do …
The police were at the door, “Can we have a quiet word Mr Smith, we’ve information about a paedophile operating down your street?” “Information?” I replied. “Yes, we think the best view of it will be from your bedroom window.” So shutting the door I winked, “You fellas are too kind, thanks for the tip! […]
Continue ReadingA rule of grammar: double …
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
Continue ReadingI went to the museum and …
I went to the museum and saw a Van Gogh painting. Underneath it said “Loaned anonymously.” I went to the front desk and said, “Id like my Van Gogh back now, please.”
Continue ReadingGeorge W Bush has said in …
George W Bush has said in his memoirs that Kanye West accusing him of being racist after hurricane Katrina was his worst moment as president of America. I’m sure that was awful for you George, Just thank god nothing worse than that happened, like for example terrorists flying planes into buildings killing thousands, that would […]
Continue ReadingI was going to go on stri …
I was going to go on strike today, no recognition after years of hard work, the financial hardship and years of misery after retirement. I suppose its my own fault though for getting Married
Continue ReadingWe had a blackout while I …
We had a blackout while I was watching TV. I was delighted.
Continue ReadingLast night me and my mate …
Last night me and my mate did karaoke on my new tv, Sam sung.
Continue ReadingI got a luxury prize for …
I got a luxury prize for using the correct punctuation mark to denote ownership. It was a posh trophy.
Continue ReadingLast week was procrastina …
Last week was procrastination week. I was going to post about it but I never got to.
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