My wife asked me to kiss …
My wife asked me to kiss her in that ‘special place’. We’re gonna get caught breaking into the local spastic home one of these days.
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I’ve just treated myself …
I’ve just treated myself to a new ringtone. It didn’t half tickle using that spray tan machine.
Continue ReadingI love to read the Viz wh …
I love to read the Viz when it comes out, it reduces my erection whilst making me laugh.
Continue ReadingI bought an iMac today. N …
I bought an iMac today. Now this way my eyes won’t get wet everytime I cry.
Continue ReadingThree animals were having …
Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best. The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had not a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge […]
Continue ReadingOne of the girls in the o …
One of the girls in the office was flirting with me in the kitchen this morning, but I think I’ve blown my chances with her. “I bet you’ve got a nice lunchbox,” she said with a wink and cheeky smile. “I have. Want a look?” I said. “Go on then,” she said excitedly, checking that […]
Continue Reading‘Wigs for biscuits’ by Ga …
‘Wigs for biscuits’ by Gary Baldi
Continue ReadingI’ve been making loads of …
I’ve been making loads of different types of bread today and they’ve all turned out perfect. I don’t know what type to do next, I think I’m on a roll.
Continue ReadingI can’t see Brown staying …
I can’t see Brown staying in much longer to be honest. A turtle’s head has just formed in my ringpiece in the last 30 seconds.
Continue ReadingThe ball-and-chain has ju …
The ball-and-chain has just told me I’m not allowed to go to Dave’s poker evening tonight. I guess it’s true what they say – if you spend long enough in solitary confinement, you start hallucinating.
Continue ReadingWhen is a door no longer …
When is a door no longer a door? When it’s Jim Morrison.
Continue ReadingIs this website some sort …
Is this website some sort of sick joke?
Continue ReadingLife insurance claims. Th …
Life insurance claims. They’re to die for.
Continue ReadingI came home last night to …
I came home last night to find my son had thrown a party. The place was trashed. There was only one punishment that would be sufficient. So I fingered his mother while we slow danced in the front room.
Continue ReadingI thought it would be hil …
I thought it would be hilarious to replace my mate Tony’s tea with pee. Apparently he’s had a sore throat ever since. Now he’s a little horse.
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