I need help committing su …
I need help committing suicide. Does anyone have some experience?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I think I’ve had enough o …
I think I’ve had enough of my girlfriend. At least there is enough left for sandwiches tomorrow.
Continue ReadingI have always struggled t …
I have always struggled to write one-liners, especially on narrow paper.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought a set of …
I’ve just bought a set of knuckledusters. My knuckles have never been cleaner.
Continue ReadingI sent my girlfriend a te …
I sent my girlfriend a text. “When I get home from work I want you to give me head” “Could you be a little more romantic x?” came the reply. “When I get home from work I want you to give me head next to a candle”.
Continue ReadingI went to the dentist las …
I went to the dentist last night and she said “Your teeth look pretty good, no tartar”. I said “Well there wouldn’t be, I haven’t had fish for ages”.
Continue ReadingI’ve been a bricklayer fo …
I’ve been a bricklayer for 15 years now. Surely there must be mortar life.
Continue ReadingSo how come Robinson’s sp …
So how come Robinson’s sponsor tennis and not squash?
Continue ReadingI’ve set up a taxi firm f …
I’ve set up a taxi firm for unmarried girls who’ve lost babies. I think ‘Miss Carriage’ should do well.
Continue ReadingI tried grilling a chicke …
I tried grilling a chicken at lunchtime. “Right, I’ll ask you one more time. Why did you cross the road?”
Continue ReadingIt only takes an awkward …
It only takes an awkward hug to make you notice the similarities between breathing in and sniffing.
Continue ReadingThat’s the last time the …
That’s the last time the wife will make me do anything in the kitchen. “How do I cook this pizza?” “Put the oven on Max for half an hour.” Our son’s funeral was today.
Continue ReadingI’m not into helping peop …
I’m not into helping people with their luggage at the airport. It’s not my bag.
Continue ReadingThink I put my clock back …
Think I put my clock back too far. My mum just asked me to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.
Continue ReadingI was walking through tha …
I was walking through that park when a lady asked me for the time. I stopped and had a look up at the sun, then said, “Quarter past two.” “Wow, how can you tell?” she asked, amazed. “I checked my watch about twenty seconds ago.” I replied.
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