I find it surprising there’s all this uproar about eating a couple of genetically mutilated cows and how dangerous and morally wrong it is. Come on, even if I had to do most of the work, a night with 2 slags from Norfolk can’t be that bad?
Continue ReadingMy girlfirend has just listed her 9 favourite qualities in me: Brave Intelligent Gentle Polite Energetic Nutty Industrious Sensitive
Continue ReadingI was stood at the paper stand in Asda earlier reading the Daily Mirror when a woman from customer services came up to me and said, “It’s not a library this you know!” So I started reading it as loud as I could at the top of my voice.
Continue ReadingI was once in a film. I have very oily skin and I fell in a puddle.
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
Continue ReadingWhen an American mates with an Ethiopian the babies come out thick and fast
Continue ReadingLife is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.
Continue ReadingI found myself in trouble earlier for posting racist jokes from my Macbook. They aren’t PC.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between brussel sprouts and snot? You’ll never surprise your kids eating their brussel sprouts.
Continue ReadingI’m sick of all the Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish this drink, I’m punching someone.
Continue Reading1. There’s more than one way to skin a cat. 2. A cat has nine lives. During an experiment to find out if number 1 is true, I proved that number 2 is false.
Continue ReadingI was fighting with customers every week when I used to be a doorman. Probably why B & Q fired me.
Continue ReadingI spent my life trying to discover the key to immortality but I’ve come to a dead end.
Continue ReadingShould anything ever happen to me at work I want them to call Barbie and inform her. She’s my next of Ken.
Continue ReadingGreggs have sold an astounding 1.5 million apple based pastry desserts this month alone. What a turnover!
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