Ronnie O’Sullivan was sho …
Ronnie O’Sullivan was showing me a trick-shot earlier. He said, “Pick a pocket” So I nicked his chalk.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was taught, the real se …
I was taught, the real secret in business is honesty. Absolute, irresistible, downright, honesty. Once you learn to fake that, you?ll make a fortune.
Continue ReadingRecently, I came in to so …
Recently, I came in to some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
Continue ReadingI found a human hair on m …
I found a human hair on my pizza last night. The wife must have been keeping food in the wrong freezer again.
Continue ReadingAs I was beating my wife …
As I was beating my wife on the wii, I thought to myself, Maybe I should abuse her on a more sensible surface.
Continue ReadingYou’re about as much use …
You’re about as much use as a Nuns ovaries.
Continue ReadingAngular momentum makes my …
Angular momentum makes my world go ’round.
Continue ReadingShorter and stubbier than …
Shorter and stubbier than fingers, with only one per hand is my rule of thumb.
Continue ReadingEdward Cullen. He doesn’t …
Edward Cullen. He doesn’t bite people, he looks like he resides in the woods, and he sparkles. Face it, he’s not a real vampire. He’s a fairy.
Continue ReadingI was in prison the other …
I was in prison the other day, and there was a rather fit blonde bird in the opposite cell. She smiled and winked at me and said ‘What’s your number babe?’ I looked down at my shirt. ‘436,’ I said.
Continue ReadingCannibalism means every f …
Cannibalism means every fight is a food fight.
Continue ReadingCameron’s Father Dies: PM …
Cameron’s Father Dies: PM With Him In France Why would I ‘private message’ a dead person?
Continue Reading“If you can’t see my mirr …
“If you can’t see my mirrors then I can’t see you” Excellent, pull in close behind you and I’m safe to pick my nose then…
Continue ReadingI thought that my wife mi …
I thought that my wife might have an offset ring spanner in her handbag… My suspicions were confirmed when I found an offset ring spanner in her handbag…
Continue ReadingPeople keep saying i make …
People keep saying i make too many predictable jokes To get to the other side.
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