I saw my mate’s decapitat …
I saw my mate’s decapitated head the other day. I said, “What happened to you?” He said, “I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.” I said, “Maybe you should quit while you’re a head.”
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Why is it only my wife wh …
Why is it only my wife who tells me that “it’s the little things in life that matter”?
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is from Hel …
My girlfriend is from Helsinki and is proud of her heritage, but I always finnish first.
Continue ReadingAnnouncement: This Train …
Announcement: This Train Terminates Jumpers.
Continue ReadingI’m being forced to live …
I’m being forced to live my life in the gutter. It’s actually quite comfy really, until people start bowling.
Continue ReadingI met this anorexic girl …
I met this anorexic girl with such a huge rack… Of ribs.
Continue ReadingWhat goes :- Plink, Plink …
What goes :- Plink, Plink, Fizzzzzzz? Two babies dropped in a bath of acid!!
Continue ReadingFacebook Kevin McGee ..th …
Facebook Kevin McGee ..thinks death is much better than life Matt Lucas..Yeah i know Andy does not like this
Continue ReadingWhile Stephen King suffer …
While Stephen King suffered from writer’s block he inadvertently wrote The Shining. I hope my tale of child molestation achieves similar success.
Continue ReadingI met a skydiver yesterda …
I met a skydiver yesterday, he was very down to earth.
Continue ReadingI think I’m addicted to S …
I think I’m addicted to Speed. I just love the camaraderie between Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bullock.
Continue ReadingThe wife said that i neve …
The wife said that i never took her out for anything to eat and drink, so took her out for tea and biscuits the other day… it was her first time as a blood donor.
Continue ReadingI’ve heard the banquet at …
I’ve heard the banquet at the Royal Wedding will be fabulous … and I bet William’s really looking forward to having a go at the Kate ring.
Continue ReadingI was reading a book abou …
I was reading a book about steel finishing earlier, It was rivetting.
Continue ReadingThe way I motivate myself …
The way I motivate myself for work is to set my screensaver as photos of my ex-girlfriends. I never stop working for more than 4 minutes and 59 seconds.
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