We had our family dog put …
We had our family dog put down this morning as he was too old. The vet estimated that he was about 112 years old. Which I later worked out to be 784 in dog years.
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I’ve decided to invade Ma …
I’ve decided to invade Madeira – piece of cake…
Continue ReadingIt pains me to say it, bu …
It pains me to say it, but I have a sore throat
Continue ReadingI don’t know how, but so …
I don’t know how, but so many people seem to know my Uncle Bob.
Continue ReadingI have a feeling that the …
I have a feeling that the Mullet is making a comeback… Even after 3 shaves.
Continue ReadingCurrys. Ironically the on …
Currys. Ironically the only major chain store that isn’t completely run by foreigners.
Continue ReadingI like Ginsters up to a p …
I like Ginsters up to a point. The point just after the “n”.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said I’m tu …
My girlfriend said I’m turning into her dad. To be fair, he shouldn’t stand in the middle of our driveway like that.
Continue ReadingAn American sits at home …
An American sits at home stuffing cheeseburgers and watching TV, wondering what a library looks like.
Continue Readingstonethecrows wrote: The …
stonethecrows wrote: The Chinese Prime Minister walks into Macdonalds, and asks for a Big Mac The waiter asks if he’d like anything else To which he replies, “yes, i could murder a shaikh” —————————————- I’m amazed at the idea of the fat failure behind the counter being described as a ‘waiter’
Continue ReadingSeve Ballesteros was actu …
Seve Ballesteros was actually called Steve until the first tee off.
Continue ReadingTo all those failing busi …
To all those failing businesses out there who say, “I can’t afford to advertise because I’ve not got enough work in.”- That’s like saying, “I can’t afford to get this terminal brain tumour removed because I’m saving up for a holiday in 3 years.”
Continue Reading“Boss, you have to raise …
“Boss, you have to raise my salary” “And why is that?” “Three other companies are interested in me already!” “Oh, which ones?” “BT, British Gas, and Thames Water”
Continue ReadingWent to the library and a …
Went to the library and asked the librarian “Excuse me, do you have any books on alternative child birth techniques?” “Have you tried the C-Section?” she replied.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a toddler, som …
When I was a toddler, someone gave me a little Tea Set as a gift, and it was one of my favourite toys. My father was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea […]
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