My wife insulted my relig …
My wife insulted my religion last week, so I conducted a full Buddhist ritual before sacrificing her to the Gods. I was charged with premeditated murder.
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My mates just given me a …
My mates just given me a packet of Ultravox crisps. They taste like ‘nothing to me’
Continue ReadingOn hearing about the Ethi …
On hearing about the Ethiopian Air crash in the middle east,my wife turned to me and said “Thats awful,you would automatically think its a terrorist attack wouldnt you?” I replied ” No, i automatically try to think of a new joke to post on Sickipedia!” On the sofa again tonight! ————————————- Well, make it worth […]
Continue ReadingWhen can cannibals leave …
When can cannibals leave the table? When everyone’s eaten.
Continue ReadingMarathon runner Rob Sloan …
Marathon runner Rob Sloan, recently admitted to cheating by catching a bus to the finish line and hiding behind a tree and waiting until the other runners came into view before claiming 3rd place. Witnesses were astonished as events unfolded as the number 336 service arrived on time.
Continue ReadingI have two snakes strappe …
I have two snakes strapped to my windscreen. They’re my vipers.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad, quite a man f …
My Grandad, quite a man for the Ladies it doesn’t matter how clearly the Gents is signposted
Continue ReadingWhen the X-Factor comes t …
When the X-Factor comes to Birmingham, the phrase “Who’ll steal the crown this year?” has a totally different meaning.
Continue ReadingMy daughter is obsessed w …
My daughter is obsessed with shoes, and for her birthday she stated she wanted a brand news pair of Vans. What she’s planning to do with two transits ill never know.
Continue ReadingApparently changing your …
Apparently changing your name to “The Terminator” is enough to get you fired. Gynaecologists are way too serious.
Continue ReadingTip- If you ever murder s …
Tip- If you ever murder someone, and need to dispose of the body, I have the perfect place to hide it- Page 2 of Sickipedia’s “New Jokes Today.” No-one ever looks there!
Continue ReadingI keep getting attacked b …
I keep getting attacked by the bouncer at my local nightclub. He waits until I’ve paid to get in then stamps on my hand.
Continue ReadingI saw Jonathan Ross earli …
I saw Jonathan Ross earlier spraying path clear onto his news paper. “What are you doing, Jonathan?” I asked. “Weeding it,” he replied.
Continue ReadingA unit of police in tacti …
A unit of police in tactical gear were heading thorough a park when suddenly two little girls with a skipping rope stopped them. Just because they could.
Continue ReadingI hate it when I don’t fo …
I hate it when I don’t forward chain mail and I die the next day.
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