I was moved to tears at t …
I was moved to tears at the zoo today. A black family were quietly watching the chimps in their cage. It was like a scene from ‘Schindler’s List’.
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I’ve decided to name my s …
I’ve decided to name my son ‘Island’ just to prove the saying wrong.
Continue ReadingMy wife caught me pleasur …
My wife caught me pleasuring myself in the kitchen earlier. I was spitting into her Mum’s cup of tea.
Continue ReadingDue to my constant speedi …
Due to my constant speeding, tailgating, shunting, violent outbursts and running the occasional child over. My wife has insisted that she pushes the trolley next time we go to the supermarket.
Continue Reading“Server is experiencing e …
“Server is experiencing extreme load.” That came suddenly.
Continue ReadingSickipedia: For the accep …
Sickipedia: For the acceptance family could never give.
Continue ReadingI hate it when people use …
I hate it when people use big words to make themselves sound more intelligent, I’m just of the persuasion it’s exorbitantly egregious.
Continue Reading“I’m sorry,” said the gyn …
“I’m sorry,” said the gynaecologist, after completing his examination, “but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very delicate operation.” “Well,” said the young lady, “couldn’t you just change the batteries?”
Continue ReadingIn honour of Wally the wh …
In honour of Wally the whale that died in the River Thames a couple of years ago, Vera Lynn is to produce a tribute record, which is to be called “Whale Meat Again”.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a man wh …
What do you call a man who states the obvious? A man who states the obvious.
Continue ReadingMy business has been goin …
My business has been going downhill recently, so i had to have a meeting with my bank manager. He said my company would have to be liquidated. I thought to myself ‘hes winding me up’.
Continue ReadingI always give waiters gre …
I always give waiters great tips after dinner. I tell them to try studying and find a proper job.
Continue ReadingWhy is it strippers alway …
Why is it strippers always say the same thing? ‘I’m paying my way through medical school.’ And, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? You’d think they’d be everywhere.
Continue ReadingFigures show that girls a …
Figures show that girls are getting fatter.
Continue ReadingMy mate Dave said he had …
My mate Dave said he had to give up his time machine experiments, he tried going back 10,000 years and then went forward 10,000 years in steps of a 1,000. He said ” I can’t understand it, nothing ever changed! All the people and buildings just stayed the same.” I guess Africa wasnt the best […]
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