A girl’s legs are her bes …
A girl’s legs are her best friends…but even the best of friends must part.
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A guy goes to his dentist …
A guy goes to his dentist’s and asks him, “What’s the best thing for yellow teeth?” “How about a brown tie?” he replies.
Continue ReadingI keep getting electrocut …
I keep getting electrocuted by an industrial 415 volt charge. I suppose it must be a phase I’m going through.
Continue ReadingTennis is like riding a b …
Tennis is like riding a bike. If you hit a car then you know something has gone wrong.
Continue ReadingI said to my housemate, ” …
I said to my housemate, “I saw your better half earlier.” “Oh really?” she replied, “Did he come round here?” “No” I explained, “I mean I was watching through the keyhole when you got out of the shower.”
Continue ReadingI went for an interview t …
I went for an interview today. The interviewer said, “Tell me a bit about yourself.” I said, “Growing up I always wanted to be an American wrestler.” He said, “Right, what stopped you?” “I’m English.” I replied.
Continue ReadingI haven’t slept for ten d …
I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.
Continue Reading‘You are what you eat.’ I …
‘You are what you eat.’ I hope not, I’ve just ordered an Indian.
Continue ReadingI met a smelly goose the …
I met a smelly goose the other day. It honked.
Continue ReadingYou know it’s bad when yo …
You know it’s bad when you receive a letter from Blockbuster saying you owe a late fee for a VHS rental
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you cr …
What do you get if you cross a zebra with a paki? Run over by me in my lorry.
Continue ReadingWhat happens when you thr …
What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple stream? It makes a splash.
Continue ReadingThe French love to eat ra …
The French love to eat rabbits. Yeah, they’re lapin ’em up.
Continue ReadingMy friend was killed by a …
My friend was killed by a lion. I told him they contain nuts but he didn’t believe me.
Continue ReadingAs a kid I never got on w …
As a kid I never got on with my mother very well In fact, I made a point of stepping on every crack in the pavement.
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