I’m planning a remake of …
I’m planning a remake of ‘The Never Ending story’. It starts with me asking my wife, “How was work?”
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I like modelling clothes …
I like modelling clothes as much as the Next man.
Continue ReadingFOR SALE Brand new STANNA …
FOR SALE Brand new STANNA stair lift. Unwanted Christmas present All Enquiries please contact Deirdre Barlow
Continue ReadingI have erection problems. …
I have erection problems…I just can’t get it up. My wife is very understanding though. Maybe I’m just not cut out for camping.
Continue ReadingI was at a very awkward p …
I was at a very awkward party last night in an Igloo. I tried to break the ice, but it just made things worse.
Continue ReadingWhy do hipsters hate zomb …
Why do hipsters hate zombies? They preferred them when they were underground.
Continue ReadingI bought a packet of Asda …
I bought a packet of Asda own brand sausages the other day. On the side of the packet it said ‘warning, may contain traces of meat.’
Continue ReadingAs a film fanatic, I see …
As a film fanatic, I see movies in much the same way as I see my children. In the cinema, every other weekend.
Continue ReadingI asked my girlfriend if …
I asked my girlfriend if she was up for doing some role play. “Okay, I’m so excited, this is our first time! Who do you wanna be?” “Well, I like being the Orc, I dont like being an Elf” I said as I loaded up Elder Scrolls.
Continue ReadingWhat happened to Bebo? I …
What happened to Bebo? I heard it’s where Facebook operators suggest the paedophiles go.
Continue ReadingYou can eat your dinner o …
You can eat your dinner off the toilet in my house, it’s that clean. Although I wouldn’t serve you anything my wife had cooked… …now that would be disgusting.
Continue ReadingMy wife has a great booty …
My wife has a great booty. She’s a pirate.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend was in shoc …
My girlfriend was in shock when I told her that I buried her cat in quick drying cement. It still hasn’t sunk in.
Continue ReadingSaw a really annoyed guy …
Saw a really annoyed guy yesterday, muttering things like, “Femur? No. Radius? No. Mandible?” I thought, “Must have a bone to pick”
Continue ReadingSomeone’s set my snooze t …
Someone’s set my snooze to come on every 30 seconds. I’ll never get back to sleep at this rate.
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