I found an old coin and took it to a coin expert to examine it. He said ”This could earn you 5,000,000.00!” After catching my breath I gasped ”Really?”‘ He tossed it back to me and said ”Yeah, if you use it to scratch off a winning lottery ticket.’
Continue ReadingI was really hungry earlier, I looked up and down the house for something to eat. I eventually found a chocolate teapot. That was useful.
Continue ReadingI took my car to auction yesterday. It didn’t buy anything though.
Continue ReadingIn case of a fire, exit building before tweeting about it.
Continue ReadingLast year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I thought I’d put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Continue ReadingI hate people that put pictures of their newborn babies as their profile pictures on Facebook… Then they have the cheek to send ME a message saying “Who are you?” when I “Like” it and report me for commenting “Potential…”
Continue ReadingWhilst using a dictionary in the library I got trounced. To be fair, I was looking for trouble.
Continue Reading‘Thanks to you, I’m a lot more like Father Christmas’ I said to my wife. ‘Oh, I have noticed that you’ve become much more jolly.’ ‘Hardly… more that I’ve put on a lot of weight and only come once a year.’
Continue ReadingI like most of the features on ‘Mozilla Firefox’, but I don’t appreciate the fact it loads up the last site you were on when you open the browser. I do not need to be reminded every morning of what a disgusting human being I am.
Continue ReadingMy boss called me today to say I was losing my post at the sorting office. I thought I hadn’t been getting much recently.
Continue ReadingI’ve just had to explain to my girlfriend and her closest mate, my calling them ‘thick as thieves’ doesn’t mean that they’re stupid. Instantly proving me wrong.
Continue ReadingI am highly offended that the police are blaming the recent nights riots on a certain ethnic group. Just because they couldn’t see the perpetrators at night doesn’t mean they were black
Continue ReadingInvertebrates give in to pressure far too easily, They’ve no backbone.
Continue ReadingI committed the perfect crime: I stopped paying my psychiatrist. He took me to court and I pleaded insanity.
Continue ReadingI got into a heated argument with this guy at the pub last night and we decided to take things outside. We started with the tables and chairs.
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