I don’t know what all the …
I don’t know what all the fuss is about, when people say they would love to swim with dolphins. I swam with them last week, and I’ll never do it again. I was stuck in a trawlers net for 6 hours.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Man goes to see the docto …
Man goes to see the doctor. The doctor says “you’ll live to be seventy” The patient said “I am seventy ” The doctor said “what did I tell you!”
Continue ReadingThe wife just came home w …
The wife just came home with a leg of lamb, a shoulder, a saddle, half a dozen loin chops, a best end of neck and a rolled breast for five quid! I thought, “That’s sheep.”
Continue ReadingMy wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me for an exorcist. I dont know what possessed her.
Continue ReadingMy nan still thinks it wa …
My nan still thinks it was a giant tiramisu that killed hundreds in Samoa. Bless her!
Continue ReadingWhenever people ask what …
Whenever people ask what I do for a living I always say I work for the United Nations. Because thinking about it, I have been UN employed for a while now…
Continue ReadingMy mum and dad are thinki …
My mum and dad are thinking of renewing their vowels so I thought seeing how they don’t know them already…. I got them to lend me a grand and gave them an I O U
Continue ReadingI woke up this morning wi …
I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. My surgeon has an odd sense of humour.
Continue ReadingThe doorbell rang whilst …
The doorbell rang whilst I was in bed this morning, so I got up and answered the door in my pajamas. I’ve always thought it’s a silly place to have a door.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been thrown out …
I’ve just been thrown out of University for smoking weed. Think I misunderstood what a joint honors degree actually is.
Continue ReadingWouldn’t it be ironic to …
Wouldn’t it be ironic to die in the living room?
Continue ReadingCoffin – The result of he …
Coffin – The result of heavy smoking.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between Tim Henman and Sickipedia? Tim Henman was a good server
Continue ReadingThieves stole a charity b …
Thieves stole a charity box full of money from a Salvation Army worker. Ironically, the money still went to the homeless.
Continue ReadingI was going to go to the …
I was going to go to the library and ask for a book about 21st century technology and its impact on society. Then I realised the library had been shut down due to lack of interest, so I Googled it instead.
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