If I owned an opticians, …
If I owned an opticians, I’d have them do the shop sign in a blurred font.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’ve always thought scott …
I’ve always thought scottish money was like monopoly money… but accepting a get out of jail free card, that really does take the biscuit!
Continue ReadingThe wife’s getting huge o …
The wife’s getting huge on a diet consisting only of Greek cheese. She’s just getting feta and feta.
Continue ReadingApparently, “third time l …
Apparently, “third time lucky” isn’t what you should say when someone asks, “Are you happy with your second wife?”
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for ever …
If I had a pound for every time I lost count of something, I’d have…
Continue ReadingI asked the foreign conci …
I asked the foreign concierge if he had any rooms avaiable. He just looked at me with a vacant expression.
Continue Reading“When I was your age, App …
“When I was your age, Apple and Blackberry were fruits, not phones!”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they still fruits?
Continue ReadingBy switching off a 60w li …
By switching off a 60w lightbulb for 6 hours you will have saved enough energy to light a 60w lightbulb for 6 hours.
Continue ReadingHe who laughs last thinks …
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Continue ReadingCannibal Subway: Eat Fles …
Cannibal Subway: Eat Flesh.
Continue Readingi always tell my friends …
i always tell my friends i like my woman like i like my cheese… they say “what, mature and strong” they dont know i like babybels
Continue ReadingI used a cheese grater to …
I used a cheese grater today. To my disappointment, it did not enhance the cheese in any way, shape or form.
Continue ReadingWhen I went to see my Car …
When I went to see my Careers officer at school, he told me that I lacked any job skills or people skills and would struggle to achieve anything. I became a Careers officer.
Continue ReadingI’m extremely proud of my …
I’m extremely proud of my essay about the wind. But it’s only a draft.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else get a se …
Does anyone else get a semi when they can’t afford a detached?
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