I don’t think I’ll ever g …
I don’t think I’ll ever get over my wife dying. She’s blocking the doorway and I’m confined to a wheelchair.
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Boss: “I’m concerned abou …
Boss: “I’m concerned about your drinking problem.” Me: “I’m concerned about my job problems. That’s why I drink.”
Continue ReadingWanted to do something fo …
Wanted to do something for Comic Relief this year as i have never donated before, so i decided to donate a tenner for every goal Torres scored for Chelsea between him signing for them and today. Oh well, maybe next time
Continue ReadingNumbers never have been m …
Numbers never have been my thirte.
Continue ReadingMy son recently saw a bea …
My son recently saw a beautiful dog, Jack, for sale, and asked if we would be able to buy it. I said that we don’t have enough room for in the house for him. Oh well, maybe his new foster parents will buy him a dog, who knows?
Continue ReadingHow do doctors test urine …
How do doctors test urine? Knock on your door and wait for a response.
Continue ReadingWhat country does not yet …
What country does not yet have a flag (but will get around to designing one next week)? The Procrasti Nation…
Continue ReadingGarden sheds are for tool …
Garden sheds are for tools.
Continue ReadingI went to meet my wife in …
I went to meet my wife in the new shopping centre and ended up getting lost. Yeah, series one to five on dvd for a tenner.
Continue ReadingThe 62nd Emmy Awards I t …
The 62nd Emmy Awards I think the decision to cut the running time down to a minute was a good one
Continue ReadingSome of the worlds smalle …
Some of the worlds smallest books: My plan to find the real killers. by OJ Simpson Guide to dating etiquette. by Mike Tyson Things I cannot afford. by Bill Gates My little book of personal hygiene. by Osama Bin Laden Things I love about Bill. by Hillary Clinton
Continue ReadingI complained to DFS after …
I complained to DFS after a sofa I ordered was dumped in the stairwell of my apartment block. They said I need to take it up with the delivery man.
Continue ReadingI’ve just checked the BBC …
I’ve just checked the BBC Weather Forecast, and it said ‘UK Summary’. Which is surprising, considering it’s November.
Continue ReadingMy son had his face paint …
My son had his face painted to look like a run down hotel. Now he just sits there, looking vacant
Continue ReadingBBC News – Oil-Covered De …
BBC News – Oil-Covered Dead Birds On Beach Don’t bother coming down boys, the headline is misleading. I thought it sounded too good to be true, but i still came anyway.
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