I was recently caught smu …
I was recently caught smuggling illegal brandy through customs at the airport. Security found the 30000 Christmas pudding’s I tried to conceal it on top of.
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I recently took up medita …
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Continue ReadingMy son said he wanted som …
My son said he wanted some drum sticks for Christmas. Fair enough, KFC’s quite cheap.
Continue ReadingMy husband wanted a campe …
My husband wanted a campervan. So I had his white van spray painted pink!
Continue ReadingI’ve named my dog Madness …
I’ve named my dog Madness. When people come round I introduce him by saying “This is Madness!”, my flatmate then jumps out and screams “THIS IS SPARTA!” and kicks me in the chest. Worth it.
Continue ReadingMy wife and I have seven …
My wife and I have seven kids, which I’ll admit is an awful lot. But we’re committed, and we’re going to keep on trying until we get one we like.
Continue ReadingI found a Microsoft offic …
I found a Microsoft office disc on the pavement today. Well that’s the word on the street
Continue ReadingI got thrown out of a foo …
I got thrown out of a football game for doing monkey chants. I guess constantly shouting, “I love monkeys! I love monkeys!” would get pretty annoying.
Continue ReadingRonaldo’s sister spoke of …
Ronaldo’s sister spoke of his new born son….. “He looks like Cristiano and he looks like me.” No prizes for guessing who the mother is then
Continue Reading‘Jamie Jones upsets Shaun …
‘Jamie Jones upsets Shaun Murphy at the World Snooker Championship’ He called his mum an elephant.
Continue ReadingAs a child, I was forced …
As a child, I was forced to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.
Continue ReadingWhy did the young deer sl …
Why did the young deer slither on the ice ? Because he wasn’t bambi-dextrous.
Continue ReadingITV: Tune in next week fo …
ITV: Tune in next week for the new series of ‘The biggest loser’ Sponsored by ‘Subway’
Continue ReadingIt’s my girlfriends birth …
It’s my girlfriends birthday in a couple of weeks, I really don’t know what to get her. We’ve been together for nearly 8 years. I just don’t really know what 8 year olds like.
Continue ReadingMy wife is very easy on T …
My wife is very easy on The Eye. There’s something about looking over London in a big Ferris wheel that really turns her on.
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