I was in bed and I heard …
I was in bed and I heard someone break in downstairs, I didn’t know which room he was in, so I took a stab in the dark…..Got him.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Only on the internet do I …
Only on the internet do I choose to ignore an attractive woman completly naked asking me to check out her pictures.
Continue ReadingWhoever coined the phrase …
Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has clearly never stepped on one.
Continue ReadingI’m considering spending …
I’m considering spending the weekend at a castle. I’ve heard the knight life is really good there.
Continue ReadingMy ex-girlfriend says im …
My ex-girlfriend says im a neurotic who always brings up the past. I say she’s a bulimic who’s more likely to bring up the pasta
Continue ReadingRe- painting your house i …
Re- painting your house is like the olympics…. Nothing will ever work as well as beigeing.
Continue ReadingI was arguing with a Musl …
I was arguing with a Muslim about religion and he said, “Well, I will enter the Kingdom of God before you.” “I’ll give you that…”, I conceded, “…but you’ve got a head start on me.” “Why?” he asked smugly. “Because I’m holier than you?” “No”, I huffed. “Because you stink to high heaven.”
Continue ReadingMoneywise im set for LIFE …
Moneywise im set for LIFE. Provided I die next tuesday.
Continue ReadingA motorbike is great for …
A motorbike is great for quickly getting to the front of queues. The other people in the post office are always terrified though.
Continue ReadingJohn Terry changed his re …
John Terry changed his relationship status to ‘It’s complicated’
Continue ReadingFacebook: The only place …
Facebook: The only place you can look into young girls’ lives and not be called a paedophile
Continue ReadingThere’s something about t …
There’s something about the News of the World that I don’t like, but I can’t quite work out what it is. It’s been bugging me for a while.
Continue ReadingWhen I was younger, my da …
When I was younger, my dad used to show me pictures about why it’s important to always wear a condom, Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.
Continue ReadingToday I played fetch with …
Today I played fetch with my cat, it was great fun. Every time I threw him, my dog brought him back.
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference be …
What is the difference between a rock concert held on the grave of Oscar Wilde and Terry Wogan’s toupee? One is a gig on a wit…
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