I saw a leaflet that said …
I saw a leaflet that said, ‘Smoke free in 30 days.’ That sounds like a good deal, I’m sick of paying for them.
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My doctor told me that I’ …
My doctor told me that I’m in desperate need of an enema. Douche.
Continue ReadingI rather enjoy breakdanci …
I rather enjoy breakdancing. It’s just a shame it never leaves me any time to eat my lunch.
Continue ReadingYour Girlfriend Hates the …
Your Girlfriend Hates the jobs you love
Continue ReadingWhat cheese do you use to …
What cheese do you use to disguise a horse? Mascarpone
Continue ReadingI was arguing with my nei …
I was arguing with my neighbour Mohammed’s wife about how wrong the burka is and how ridiculous it looks. I don’t see her point though, I love wearing it!
Continue ReadingHow did pirates cross out …
How did pirates cross out mistakes on treasure maps?
Continue ReadingMy mate said to me, “I re …
My mate said to me, “I really fancy a McDonald’s.” I thought, “That’s a weird fetish.”
Continue ReadingI used to drink strongbow …
I used to drink strongbow with my mate dave, but then he got killed by an arrow…
Continue ReadingMy mates called me stingy …
My mates called me stingy so I decided to buy them a beer. Turns out they wanted one each.
Continue ReadingI think I must have a bri …
I think I must have a brilliant memory. I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten anything. Well, if I have, I don’t remember.
Continue ReadingI’m the best at sponsored …
I’m the best at sponsored silences, if I don’t say so myself.
Continue ReadingI was just about to buy a …
I was just about to buy a new roll of black-bin bags, then thought, what’s the point? All I seem to do is throw them away.
Continue ReadingEver get a shock from you …
Ever get a shock from your car door? Mine just told me I’m adopted.
Continue ReadingEverytime I climb on top …
Everytime I climb on top of the wife she shouts, “Get off.” Well I’m not doing it for any other reason.
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