“Sherlock Holmes, from wh …
“Sherlock Holmes, from which schools are you getting these young children to have your wicked way with?” “Elementary, my dear Watson”.
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The wife asked me today w …
The wife asked me today what I saw in her. I told her to shut up and keep still until I’d finished taking the x-ray.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been in McDonal …
I’ve just been in McDonald’s and I’ve seen four girls who have the face of a 12 year old and the body of a girl who’s name ends in .jpg
Continue ReadingMadeleine McCann, Kanye W …
Madeleine McCann, Kanye West and Michael Jackson walk into a database…. Its latency becomes too high.
Continue Reading‘Beauty is only skin deep …
‘Beauty is only skin deep’ Unless you find internal organs attractive.
Continue ReadingI’ve been meaning to pay …
I’ve been meaning to pay my Gas and Electricity bill. But I just don’t have the energy.
Continue ReadingIt’s sad how whole famili …
It’s sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things. Like wild dogs.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said she wa …
My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood. So i took her to KFC
Continue ReadingSmaller punctuation marks …
Smaller punctuation marks. I just don’t see the point.
Continue ReadingFor want of a better word …
For want of a better word I do not have the vocabulary to complete this sentence.
Continue ReadingA mate told me a joke abo …
A mate told me a joke about Pringle flavours. It wasn’t original.
Continue ReadingI wonder how many people …
I wonder how many people standing on the earth in 1870 predicted that less than 100 years later there would be a man standing on the moon. Whose name was Buzz.
Continue ReadingI looked up a little girl …
I looked up a little girl’s skirt this morning. This is one of the many jobs I have to do in Mothercare’s stock room.
Continue ReadingI bought a ticket to go s …
I bought a ticket to go see a rugby game yesterday. It said I was in the second row. I must say – The view was simply suberb, I could see the action right up close. Well, that was, until the referee kicked me out of the scrum.
Continue ReadingIm such a emotional guy, …
Im such a emotional guy, I got through a whole box of tissues while watching brokeback mountain..
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