Would the head of a midge …
Would the head of a midget crime gang still be known as Mr Big?
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Had a fight with a Pole a …
Had a fight with a Pole at work today…. The other lad had a stick.
Continue ReadingSuicide is a dying trend …
Suicide is a dying trend
Continue ReadingI was at the end of a pre …
I was at the end of a pretty long job interview when the interviewer said, “Well, I think thats all, do you have questions for me?” I thought for a second then asked, “Whats the capital of Poland?”
Continue ReadingWhat’s red and not worth …
What’s red and not worth paying for? A plastic nose.
Continue ReadingThere’s got to be an onli …
There’s got to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Continue ReadingQ: How do you know if a f …
Q: How do you know if a film was made by a Jewish director? A: The end is cut off.
Continue ReadingDrove into a pole this mo …
Drove into a pole this morning. Well I wasn’t going to pay him for cleaning my windscreen.
Continue ReadingThe teacher asked my son, …
The teacher asked my son, “What’s another word for incorrect?” His answer was wrong.
Continue ReadingPolice are searching for …
Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lit match. They want to catch him before he strikes again.
Continue ReadingThe only person who can g …
The only person who can get better results in my exams than me is Mark Scheme.
Continue ReadingI once said to my son, ‘Y …
I once said to my son, ‘You never get anything in life for free’. He laughed at me and said, ‘What about that piece of advice you idiot!’ So I went over and took his wheelchair.
Continue ReadingI used to think Santa Cla …
I used to think Santa Claus was a paedophile… Turned out it was my uncle Frank all along.
Continue ReadingMy Dad came up to me the …
My Dad came up to me the other day and said “son what’s the point of this Facebook thing then?” “Well,” I replied, “I use it to find people I’ve fancied for years, friend them and then crack one off to their pictures…. But also it’s a great way to keep in touch with friends […]
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend got us fron …
My girlfriend got us front row tickets to see Ricky Gervais live. It seems like a waste of money to me, he’s been living perfectly well for the last 49 years without people paying to watch it.
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