Yesterday , I wrote on my …
Yesterday , I wrote on my friend’s wall for his birthday. He says that he was disgusted because he got it painted three days ago.
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My Pokemon card collectio …
My Pokemon card collection was destroyed in a fire. I’ve only got Ash now.
Continue ReadingAnd then Noah said unto t …
And then Noah said unto the Lord “Ok, so what kind of an ark is an aardv?”
Continue ReadingI had a very important ro …
I had a very important role at school. I was a day boy. Or at least I think that’s what they were shouting.
Continue ReadingA plane carrying two foot …
A plane carrying two football teams has caught fire in mid-air. Every player on board has been forced to jump out without a parachute. It’s a Catch 22 situation.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to the sho …
I’ve just been to the shop for a paper, I asked the bloke, ‘Can I have a Sunderland Echo please?’, and he shouted ‘SUNDERLAND!… Sunderland… Sunderland.’
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on inverted nipples. The librarian says; ‘Follow me, and I’ll pick one out for you.’
Continue ReadingLets face it,its not the …
Lets face it,its not the first time Ashley Cole has shot his load into something he shouldn’t.
Continue ReadingI’m getting bored sitting …
I’m getting bored sitting around all day watching UK gold. I thought being a guard at the Bank Of England would be more exciting.
Continue ReadingSusie is down on her luck …
Susie is down on her luck with nothing but a fiver to her name, so she goes into the supermarket and buys two eggs and a bottle of ketchup. As she is leaving, she stumbles and drops the lot on the concrete path. With nothing to eat, she sits down on a bench and starts […]
Continue ReadingI just had a leaflet post …
I just had a leaflet posted through my door inviting me to what sounds like a very prestigious annual fashion event. Third World Clothing Collection is on Tuesday.
Continue ReadingI bought some casings yes …
I bought some casings yesterday which allow rotation of mechanical components, but got lost on the way to collect them. Took a while to get my bearings.
Continue ReadingThe very existence of fla …
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but Im just not close enough to get the job done.”
Continue ReadingI always get my girlfrien …
I always get my girlfriend a new watch for her birthday. There’s no present like the time.
Continue ReadingMy Chinese wife went swim …
My Chinese wife went swimming with the dolphins yesterday, She ate three before they managed to pull her out.
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