This year im going to tak …
This year im going to take a leaf out of Harringey councils book I wont be helping Children In Need
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My friend keeps on tellin …
My friend keeps on telling me about the time I glued his hand to a dart. I said to him, “You can never let it go, can you.”
Continue ReadingI actually tried plane sa …
I actually tried plane sailing the other day…. It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.
Continue ReadingThe Priest said it’s time …
The Priest said it’s time for my communion, but I’m not really up for the exchange of bodily fluids tonight.
Continue ReadingGrimsby Town 0-2 Bath Two …
Grimsby Town 0-2 Bath Two tap ins, apparently.
Continue ReadingBought a stock car to rac …
Bought a stock car to race. It was all going well until it rained and I was left in a puddle of gravy.
Continue ReadingSo Kenny Dalglish says he …
So Kenny Dalglish says he hasn’t discussed targets at Liverpool yet. Surely telling the team that they are the big square netty things at each end called goals would be a good start?
Continue ReadingThe worst thing about chr …
The worst thing about christmas was the jumper I was given. Not what you want on your first day as a negotiator.
Continue ReadingA friend and I were discu …
A friend and I were discusing how much technology was advancing these days when he said “Soon we’ll be downloading water from the tap”. “Well it’s already in sync” I replied.
Continue ReadingMy wife said I could call …
My wife said I could call our new daughter anything I like, So I called her bluff.
Continue ReadingThis man came up to me an …
This man came up to me and said ‘Good sir, why are you not stalking me?’ I said ‘I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.’
Continue ReadingHow does an Irish psychol …
How does an Irish psychologist like his eggs? Freud
Continue ReadingLast night a horse asked …
Last night a horse asked me if I was planning on driving home. Although come to think of it, there might have been a policeman on top of it.
Continue ReadingI thought my stereo was b …
I thought my stereo was broken because it continually plays Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” . But it turns out I just have motivational speakers.
Continue ReadingMy ex-girlfriends last wo …
My ex-girlfriends last words just before she left me were: “Isn’t it a lovely view from this cliff, darli…..?”
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