I fully endorse the roll …
I fully endorse the roll out of the new ‘Bullet Trains’, which will run from Kent to London. Personally, I believe dodging AK-47 shots should make the commute to work far less dull.
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The best thing about havi …
The best thing about having a cripple for a wife is that I can always do whatever I want. She never stands in my way.
Continue ReadingI’ve always wanted to hav …
I’ve always wanted to have a taste of being a gynacologist! That’s why I got immediately fired.
Continue ReadingI texted my mate: Can you …
I texted my mate: Can you help me put my TVs up on the wall tonight? He texted back: I would, but I need brackets! I text: (Can you help me put my TVs up on the wall tonight?)
Continue ReadingMy mate had a horrible ac …
My mate had a horrible accident in a car with a faulty steering wheel. He lost control as it turned out.
Continue ReadingOne day, two deputies in …
One day, two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a […]
Continue ReadingAn Englishman walks into …
An Englishman walks into a McDonald’s restaurant in New York. The spotty kid behind the counter says, “We serve breakfast at any time sir.” To which the Englishman replies, “I’ll have the French toast during the Renaissance then fatty.”
Continue ReadingThe waitress in this rest …
The waitress in this restaurant just smiled and winked. Both of our tips just went up.
Continue ReadingFor a joke, a friend of m …
For a joke, a friend of mine sprayed me with a liquid that turned quickly turned into a vapour that was dangerous to inhale. I was fuming.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to estab …
I’ve been trying to establish my Mum’s secret fajita recipe but it’s proving very difficult. It’s being kept under wraps.
Continue ReadingI’m a big fan of tie-dye, …
I’m a big fan of tie-dye, or “kidnapping and murder”, as the police call it.
Continue Reading“I’m taking the missus to …
“I’m taking the missus to see Dr Hook at the weekend.” “Blimey.. I didn’t know they were still going.” “What? Oh, not the rock group… It’s what I call the guy who works at the Abortion Clinic.
Continue ReadingI work in a pub, some guy …
I work in a pub, some guy asked “Whats cheap?” I simply replied…… “You”
Continue ReadingI slipped my whole hand i …
I slipped my whole hand inside my sister’s furry little hoop earlier. I had no idea you could stretch a hair bobble that big.
Continue ReadingIt took me a great deal t …
It took me a great deal to win last nights poker game.
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