“How have the kids been?” …
“How have the kids been?” my wife asked. “They’ve been great!” I replied. “We’ve had a banging day.” I love admitting my crimes in a subtle way.
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a man walks into a bar an …
a man walks into a bar and wonders “how many times do I do this each day?”
Continue ReadingIf a tree falls in the wo …
If a tree falls in the wood and no-one is there to hear it, is it funny if it falls on a deaf person?
Continue ReadingGreen tea: Nowhere near a …
Green tea: Nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
Continue ReadingWhat has four legs and on …
What has four legs and one arm? A Doberman in a playground.
Continue ReadingI saw a fat bird trying t …
I saw a fat bird trying to get into Burger King today. But pigeons can’t open doors.
Continue ReadingI’m a PC, and your under …
I’m a PC, and your under arrest.
Continue ReadingAs I left my house this m …
As I left my house this morning, I was bombarded with a white, powdery condiment, and was quite seriously harmed. I thought, ‘Surely this is some form of a salt?’
Continue ReadingLots of things we didn’t …
Lots of things we didn’t know about our dad came out at the trial. He was clandestinely doing woodwork and abusing young girls in his shed. He had a secret vice no one knew about.
Continue ReadingWhat do epileptic snakes …
What do epileptic snakes have? Hissy fits.
Continue ReadingTwitter: the only time yo …
Twitter: the only time you should get excited about being followed
Continue ReadingLast night I saw this vid …
Last night I saw this video online of twin girls who were having simultaneous lung palpatations 2 girls 1 hiccup
Continue ReadingOnce I found a skull in t …
Once I found a skull in the woods. The first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up and started wondering who this person was, and why he had antlers.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to get an ea …
I’ve decided to get an ear ring. Getting a job in a noisy environment should do the trick.
Continue ReadingAll this talk about “chil …
All this talk about “children in need” and not one mention of poor Madeline McCann. She must have ran out of condoms by now.
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