I was accused of being an …
I was accused of being an immature coward today. “I know you are, but what am I?” I whispered, as I walked away.
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I had a very confusing ti …
I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France.
Continue ReadingMy son came home from sch …
My son came home from school today and said ‘In school today, I couldn’t find a rubber so I used my finger, And it worked!’ I replied ‘If I used my finger, when I couldn’t find a rubber, Then you wouldn’t be born.’
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between my epileptic brother and my new jigsaw. I can’t get my jigsaw to fit.
Continue ReadingSaw a sign for the A80 ro …
Saw a sign for the A80 roadworks in Glasgow. It said, “Expect delays until September 2011”. That’s a very long time to be on the motorway.
Continue ReadingIm always making bad tast …
Im always making bad taste jokes. Just this morning I made one about marmite.
Continue ReadingI used to know a chef tha …
I used to know a chef that was always over dramatic when preparing food. He made a meal of it.
Continue ReadingIf at first you dont succ …
If at first you dont succeed, give up and have a beer
Continue ReadingI spilt some Mr Muscle De …
I spilt some Mr Muscle Descaler last week and my pet snake slithered right through it. I don’t have a pet snake anymore, more a big chubby worm 🙁
Continue ReadingBesides my birthday and c …
Besides my birthday and christmas day,this is the one day of the year I look forward to the most. British summer time.
Continue Reading“Mate, have you got a cig …
“Mate, have you got a cigarette going spare?” “No, they’re all rather placid”
Continue ReadingI started a new job this …
I started a new job this morning and was worried that i was not going to fit in. At lunchtime one of the guys came up to me, and noticing how nervous i was, offered to take me under his wing. That’s very nice of him, but personally i get a bit freaked out by […]
Continue ReadingWatching The Nightmare Be …
Watching The Nightmare Before Christmas has become a tradition for our family at this time of the year. I hate having a meal at the in-laws.
Continue ReadingI lined my travelling tru …
I lined my travelling trunk with cocaine in a bid to get through customs. How was I to know that taking an elephant through an airport would draw so much attention.
Continue ReadingI’m going to quit being l …
I’m going to quit being lazy, next week.
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