My wife was driving me to …
My wife was driving me to work earlier, and she took the first turn on every roundabout. She clearly has no rights.
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My fat friend has just to …
My fat friend has just told me that he’s starring in the next series of The Biggest Loser… I guess I’ll be seeing less of him.
Continue ReadingThere’s nothing I like to …
There’s nothing I like to do more than give a man a good blow. I’m a big fan.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it funny how at sch …
Isn’t it funny how at school they’ve replaced blackboards with whiteboards because they work better?
Continue ReadingDid you know that Adele a …
Did you know that Adele almost featured in the video for ‘California Gurls’? Yeah, a fat girl in a make-believe candy land, that was always gonna end well.
Continue ReadingApparently the World’s mo …
Apparently the World’s most famous octopus died today. I must be incredibly dim because I haven’t got a clue who the second most famous octopus is.
Continue ReadingNational Geographic +1… …
National Geographic +1… Where lightning does strike twice
Continue ReadingI flew into Sydney for th …
I flew into Sydney for the comedy festival and I was held up at the airport. They asked me the purpose of my visit and I said, “I’m here to shoot a pilot.”
Continue ReadingI used to love my job art …
I used to love my job artificially inseminating animals at the zoo. But now I couldn’t give a monkey’s toss.
Continue ReadingJava Diner- I’m told one …
Java Diner- I’m told one of Reverend Spooner’s favorite places to eat.
Continue ReadingTeacher: “Imagine you are …
Teacher: “Imagine you are in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do?” Boy:” Easy, stop imagining.”
Continue ReadingIt’s not like I killed he …
It’s not like I killed her. If anything she should be thanking me! At least now she can park anywhere she wants.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife had a pla …
Me and the wife had a play fight this morning. she threw hamlet but my Tempest really knocked her for six
Continue ReadingOnce you go black, you pr …
Once you go black, you probably should have changed the battery on your smoke alarm.
Continue ReadingI work for a charity that …
I work for a charity that tries to prevent animals being turned into glue. Please, donate to the RSPVA.
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