My wife woke me up at 6am …
My wife woke me up at 6am this morning just to tell me she was on her way to brush some leaves off the drive. I hate it when she makes sweeping statements like that.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
A man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on surgery. The librarian says, “be careful when you open it, there’s damage to the spine.”
Continue Reading“It’s not you, it’s me.” …
“It’s not you, it’s me.” I hate sorting photos with my twin brother.
Continue ReadingIt is a little known fact …
It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle. Until one side mysteriously disappeared.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a suicide …
I’ve just seen a suicide bomber He was quite good but I wasn’t blown away
Continue ReadingA man walks into a bar an …
A man walks into a bar and the barman says “Why the long face?” And the man replies “I am severely deformed”.
Continue ReadingThat Usain Bolt is a dash …
That Usain Bolt is a dashing chap.
Continue ReadingA lot of people seem to t …
A lot of people seem to think I used to be a sailor. They keep shouting ‘anchor’ at me from across the street.
Continue ReadingI took a watch on the Ant …
I took a watch on the Antiques Roadshow this morning. They said, “Where did you get it from?” “It’s my grandad’s” I replied, “He gave it to me a little while ago.” “And you’re selling it?” they asked. I said, “Well, it depends on how much it’s worth. If it’s worth a fortune then I’ll […]
Continue ReadingThey say what you don’t k …
They say what you don’t know, can’t hurt you. Not so true when it comes to bomb defusal.
Continue ReadingTwo fat people in a marri …
Two fat people in a marriage will never work out.
Continue ReadingI had a serious conversat …
I had a serious conversation with the wife today. “You haven’t done anything to make me feel special lately!” she said. “Quite the opposite, my dear, thanks to me, you are very popular on sickipedia.org!”
Continue ReadingI was shopping online and …
I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked. So I clicked “Add to cart.”
Continue ReadingMy doctor told me that I’ …
My doctor told me that I’m chronically unfit and I need to start doing an activity at least three times a week that gets my heart pumping and brings me out in a sweat. Snorting cocaine it is then.
Continue Reading‘Facebook adds new relati …
‘Facebook adds new relationship statuses’. They obviously didn’t like my ‘desperate’ suggestion!
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