My mate just told me that …
My mate just told me that his light bulb had been swearing at him and calling him allsorts. I looked at the light for a moment. “That’s not on”.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Give an homeless man a ma …
Give an homeless man a matchstick, and he can make bonfire and stay warm for a day. Throw him into the fire, and he stays warm for the rest of his life.
Continue ReadingI went to walk out of a b …
I went to walk out of a building today when some guy shouted, “Mind the steps mate!” “No,” I yelled back, “They’re actually quite helpful.”
Continue ReadingWhat has one previous own …
What has one previous owner, four wheels and is easy to ride? A teenage single mum.
Continue ReadingApparently lawyers lose m …
Apparently lawyers lose most of their cases at Heathrow.
Continue ReadingSky News: “Family gets 93 …
Sky News: “Family gets 93 Years for Blue Lagoon Murder” To be honest, I was pretty impressed that they managed to kill someone with a lethal mix of vodka, curaco and lemonade.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s given up footba …
My mate’s given up football to concentrate on his studies. He doesn’t do anything by halves.
Continue ReadingFinishing a book is one o …
Finishing a book is one of the best feelings ever. End of story.
Continue Readingpeople need to learn when …
people need to learn when to use ‘too’ and ‘to’ i’ve seen them used wrongly two many times one here!
Continue ReadingThere’s an F in football. …
There’s an F in football. There’s an F in Fernando. But there’s no F in chance Torres will score anytime soon.
Continue ReadingI was a bit nervous at fi …
I was a bit nervous at first… It was long and went straight up! I eased myself onto it and I loved it! Before I knew it, I was going up and down on it! Boy, do I love escalators!
Continue ReadingI got chatting to this gi …
I got chatting to this girl who’s Siamese twin died during the separation operation. She’s a millionaire now and spends most of her time abroad relaxing on beaches, shopping and dining in expensive restaurants. Oh, how the other half lives.
Continue ReadingI personally find the fac …
I personally find the facebook ‘poke’ feature to be too informal and patiently await the introduction of the ‘molest’ option….
Continue ReadingArgentina have just brou …
Argentina have just brought on Tchaikovsky to try and up the tempo…
Continue ReadingI worked as a kiln operat …
I worked as a kiln operator for a few weeks. But I ended up getting fired.
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