I’m not really a violent person but the first time I ever hit anyone was in the school playground. I was just hanging around, minding my own business when a boy ran into me. Without thinking I just hit him in the face. The boy started crying and everyone was looking at me. So I […]
Continue ReadingA policeman stopped me as I was running down the street last night and said, “Where are you off to?” “I’m off to catch my train,” I replied. “I’m late.” He said, “A man fitting your description has just been involved in a robbery. Do you mind if I search you?” “Come on, mate,” I […]
Continue ReadingI was on the pull last night down the pub. Turned out to be a total failure. Probably why the landlord sacked me.
Continue ReadingI’m having trouble finishing up my dragons den pitch for my hotcakes business. I’ve got my sales figures, but i just can’t describe them.
Continue ReadingWant proof we sickipedians can TAKE a joke? Just see how many Duplicates there are !
Continue ReadingBoth my grandads are completely different from eachother. I call my mum’s father “Early Grandad” because no matter where we go or what we do he is always the first one there. I call my dad’s father “Late Grandad” because he’s dead.
Continue ReadingI walked up to a girl in the club last night and said “Hey, babe you’re like a garden shovel” “Why?” she giggled, “Because you dig me?” “No, because I’ll probably keep you in my shed”
Continue ReadingI wish I hadn’t arrested a magician last night. The trouble started when I asked him to empty his pockets.
Continue ReadingGive a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Where’s he getting the other 3 from?
Continue ReadingMe: ‘Dad, can I go to bathroom?’ Dad: ‘ Kiran, MAY I go to the bathroom?’ I don’t care if it’s fathers day, I asked first
Continue ReadingGot in a fight with a black man today. Beat him blue.
Continue ReadingMy teacher said that tomorrow is a “bring in your dog” day. That’s cool but I’ll need a shovel for it.
Continue ReadingWhy did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.
Continue ReadingMy phone rang today, but when I picked it up, all I could hear from the other end was someone shouting; “Ice cube, snow, blizzard, air conditioning” I hate cold callers.
Continue ReadingGirls think I’m weird because I count a piece of furniture as my best friend. I guess tonight it’s just me, my shelf, and I.
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