qjoq.com – Page 356

I just caught my blonde g …

I just caught my blonde girlfriend, sat on a book, open legged with no panties on: “What are you doing love?” I asked. “Lip reading.”

I’ve heard that drinking …

March 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I’ve heard that drinking 7 cups of coffee can make u hallucinate but we’ve had 9 and me and tweety pie are doing just fine

The boss asked me why i was late coming into work the other day. I told him I was reading my biography during breakfast when jam dropped all over my book and my hand. It took me half an hour to sort the mess. And that’s my story and i’m sticking to it.

Thanks to ’50 Shades of G …

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Thanks to ’50 Shades of Grey’, my wife’s Kindle now smells like 50 cans of tuna.

The other day my Nan aske …

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The other day my Nan asked me to be a dear and make her a cup of tea… So I put on a pair of antlers and got hit by a car and then I made tea.

I often lie awake at nigh …

March 2qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I often lie awake at night, and ask myself “Where have I gone wrong?” To which a voice replies, “This is going to take more than one night.”

I love my job. I get to s …

March 2qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I love my job. I get to sleep on the minibus, than I take breaks whenever I want to drink tea and get stoned. Better than that, I do hardly any work. If only real work was as good as community service.

For Christmas, my friend …

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For Christmas, my friend is buying me a yearly subscription to the ‘Electronic Appliance Impersonators Club’. I’m quite the fan.

My wife left me because s …

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My wife left me because she said i just don’t undestand her…. To be honest i dont know what she’s talking about.

I’m a huge sports fan, I …

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I’m a huge sports fan, I just can’t get enough of sumo wrestling!

This morning my wife said …

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This morning my wife said she’s leaving me for my younger brother. What makes her think he wants to take care of me?

I killed, cooked and ate …

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I killed, cooked and ate my mother in law yesterday. Just one of the many advantages of being married to a chicken.

There’s nothing quite lik …

March 2qjoq.comLeave a Comment

There’s nothing quite like impressing the ladies like heading to the local park and kicking little kids in the chest while yelling “THIS IS SPARTA” while performing a heroic pose on top of their bodies.