I was a lovely baby. My p …
I was a lovely baby. My parents used to fake my kidnapping just to see my pictures in the papers
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
The school register: The …
The school register: The kid from Eastern Europe – Check The kid with Tourette’s – Tick The birthday boy – “Present” The deaf kid – “Ear” The kid on drugs – “Hi” The dead kid- “ah late again i see”
Continue ReadingI wanted to try something …
I wanted to try something kinky, the wife just want something to eat. So we compromised. We went for Toed in the hole.
Continue ReadingVampire teenager: ”Dad, …
Vampire teenager: ”Dad, if you won’t let me go out I’ll simply wait for you to fall asleep.” Vampire dad: ”That’ll be the day.”
Continue ReadingI keep texting my wife an …
I keep texting my wife and instead of texting “LOVE YOU LOTS” I accidentally type “LOVE YOU LOTR.” It’s becoming a hobbit.
Continue ReadingI give my wife rights, sh …
I give my wife rights, she gets to choose which hand I hit her with.
Continue ReadingJohn Terry has been murde …
John Terry has been murdered, very sad news for England its the wrong John Terry…
Continue ReadingHas anyone else noticed t …
Has anyone else noticed the lack of stray dogs and abundance of kebab shops?
Continue ReadingThe police are on the loo …
The police are on the look out for a subatomic particle that has broken the law, it was last seen breaking the speed of light.
Continue ReadingI went to the gym today a …
I went to the gym today and lined up behind an African American woman. She was having trouble swiping her card, so I thought I’d help her out by telling her ‘black strip down.’ Turns out it’s easier to make a black woman get naked than I thought!
Continue ReadingPeople round my area call …
People round my area call me the village idiot. The jokes on them though, I live in a town.
Continue ReadingBirmingham city have just …
Birmingham city have just signed Chilean international Jean Beausejour from Club America Looks like they dug him out from the minor leagues!
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend complained …
My girlfriend complained that i spend too much time on the internet, and that we haven’t had a real conversation in ages. I lol’d and told her to stfu.
Continue ReadingI am going to make a livi …
I am going to make a living as a pessimist. Sadly.
Continue ReadingI bought a telescope so I …
I bought a telescope so I could see stars more clearly, but there’s too much in the way to get a proper look. Mostly skirts and knickers.
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