I used to work for KP as …
I used to work for KP as a delivery man. My truck was persistently breaking down. It drove me nuts.
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Once again my wife is lea …
Once again my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with the band Del Amitri. I’m always the last to know.
Continue ReadingI hate it when people pul …
I hate it when people pull me up for telling sick jokes. I mean just because it’s not their sense of humour doesn’t mean we should be persecuted does it? I always just say, you’ve either gotta laugh or cry. And crying is for poofs and woman.
Continue Readingdoctor doctor, birds keep …
doctor doctor, birds keep trying to build nests in my hair! Have you been on the mephedrone again?
Continue ReadingI just made a scab on my …
I just made a scab on my arm bleed, from scratch.
Continue ReadingExercise is a dirty word. …
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen an antique …
I’ve just seen an antiques enthusiast asking for a babies crib… It must have been Tim Wonnacott
Continue ReadingMy maths teacher explaine …
My maths teacher explained to me that I didn’t understand the sum of n numbers divided by n. In the end he said I was an avereage student. How mean.
Continue ReadingWhat Is The Diffrence Bet …
What Is The Diffrence Between A Muslim And A Kebab… I Like Kebabs.
Continue ReadingUnfortunately at no point …
Unfortunately at no point during my workday does anyone ever have cause to shout my name and then toss me a sword.
Continue ReadingSaw a white painted jet t …
Saw a white painted jet today. Was kinda plane…
Continue ReadingIt’s shocking how people …
It’s shocking how people can mock the death of a child, truly shocking.
Continue ReadingHarley Davidsons don’t le …
Harley Davidsons don’t leak oil, they mark their territory.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Emile Heskey and Madeleine McCann? Maddie scored before she died.
Continue ReadingI did 10 one arm push-ups …
I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor without putting down my beer.
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