I’m going to grow a beard …
I’m going to grow a beard! I’ve already bought a young Asian boy with a bit of a moustache, to get me started.
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Everyone keeps recommendi …
Everyone keeps recommending I read “50 Shades of Grey.” I keep telling them I’m not interested, at least not until they release the picture version.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought a sofa w …
I’ve just bought a sofa with three years free credit. I’m going to save a fortune on my mobile phone bill.
Continue ReadingIv’e killed thousands of …
Iv’e killed thousands of whales in my time but I don’t like to harpoon about it.
Continue ReadingWhat brand of tobacco do …
What brand of tobacco do Emo kids smoke? Cutters Choice
Continue ReadingWe now go live to Geoff S …
We now go live to Geoff Shreeves, who is in the Barcelona dressing room informing each player individually that they will not be playing in the final.
Continue ReadingI cant believe some kids …
I cant believe some kids fail to spell wednesday correctly in this day and age. Mind, some are so thick they couldn’t learn to spell in a month of sundaes.
Continue ReadingI told a joke about the P …
I told a joke about the Polish Plane disaster at work today. It didn’t go down well.
Continue ReadingLast night, before my son …
Last night, before my son went to bed, he was telling me how much he hates his teacher. He was saying things like, “He’s an idiot” or “he’s out to get me”. This is the last thing I wanted to hear, as he is home schooled.
Continue ReadingMy dad lets no one stand …
My dad lets no one stand in his way. He’s a bulldozer operator.
Continue ReadingMeanwhile in Africa. Brea …
Meanwhile in Africa. Breaking News: Two goat driven carts ram into the World Trade Huts.
Continue ReadingHow does a woman scare a …
How does a woman scare a Gynaecologist? By becoming a Ventriloquist.
Continue ReadingI may not go down in hist …
I may not go down in history, but I will definitely go down on your little sister.
Continue ReadingI started dating a math t …
I started dating a math teacher a couple of weeks ago she turned round one night and said to me “You know you’re really stupid, I have no idea why I’m with you, i bet you don’t even know what pi is!” “I know you eat too much of it” I replied.
Continue ReadingA musically talented frie …
A musically talented friend of mine has recently died. He was struck by lightning. It’s such a shame… He was a great conductor.
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