I lost my grandad the oth …
I lost my grandad the other day. He’s not dead, he’s in Ikea.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My biology teacher said t …
My biology teacher said to me “Can you write me a short essay on what would happen to somebody if they had their sudoriferous glands removed?” I said “Yeah, no sweat.”
Continue ReadingI always thought ‘despair …
I always thought ‘despair’ was the extra wheel in the boot of a car.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe that the …
I can’t believe that the whole night of television is taken up by celebrities asking people to give their money to charity. If I wanted to donate money to children in need I’d give my kids some pocket money.
Continue ReadingI’m having some trouble w …
I’m having some trouble with a giant salt container that’s been following me around. It’s just impossible to shake.
Continue ReadingI would like to congratul …
I would like to congratulate Tesco on their new record breaking bio degradeable shopping bags. My bags started degrading before i even got in the car. Nice one Tesco.
Continue ReadingI went to an archeologist …
I went to an archeologist’s party last night to celebrate the discovery of a caveman’s leg bone. It was quite a shindig.
Continue ReadingThese Adalia Rose jokes a …
These Adalia Rose jokes are getting old really fast, ironically so is she.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me “Would …
My wife said to me “Would you run into a burning building to save me?” “Of course I would” I replied. “The batteries for my xbox aren’t going to find themselves”
Continue ReadingI was walking past my nex …
I was walking past my next door neighbours when I noticed her house was on fire, so I stripped naked ran in there and tried kissing her. I don’t know what I was thinking, it was all in the heat of the moment.
Continue ReadingNews: ‘Pensioner Mugged F …
News: ‘Pensioner Mugged For Fun’. What is this world coming to? I can’t believe that an old person would enjoy mugging people.
Continue ReadingAlannis, take note. Irony …
Alannis, take note. Irony is not ‘a thousand spoons when all you need is a knife’. Irony is the RAF dropping a box containing thousands of leaflets to tell Iraqis how they’re making things safer… directly on a small girl, killing her outright (BBC news story# 8282067)
Continue ReadingI can always get a girls …
I can always get a girls pulse racing… When they see me in the alley.
Continue ReadingI’d hate to be a woman. B …
I’d hate to be a woman. Besides the periods, the hair and beauty traumas, weight issues, and all the housework they have to do, have you noticed how they always seem to turn a funny orange/tan colour around winter time?
Continue ReadingI’ve just moved into my n …
I’ve just moved into my new flat and there isn’t any room to swing a cat. So I kicked it to death.
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