My wife is just like a mo …
My wife is just like a moussaka. Without the saka.
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My school are putting on …
My school are putting on a play based around Burger King. I’m playing a very important roll.
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for ever …
If I had a pound for everytime someone said if I had a pound……
Continue ReadingI hired a guy to dig a Gr …
I hired a guy to dig a Grand Canyon in my garden, and he did a 4 foot trench. I asked “How is that Grand?” He replied “That’ll be a thousand quid please.”
Continue ReadingBeing unemployed does hav …
Being unemployed does have its benefits!
Continue ReadingAfter five days in hospit …
After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
Continue ReadingPaddy and Murphy are sitt …
Paddy and Murphy are sitting on a train one afternoon when this beautiful blonde girl gets on and sits opposite them. “I think she likes you Paddy” whispered Murphy, True enough, the blonde girl began winking and licking her lips at Paddy. As their stop approached, Paddy pulls out a bit of paper, scribbles on […]
Continue ReadingTo all the fat ladies out …
To all the fat ladies out there, remember, stressed is desserts spelt backwards.
Continue Reading“What are you making?” as …
“What are you making?” asked the cannibal. “Korean soup,” replied his friend, “Try some.” “That’s nice. How many Koreans did you use?” “Only two. You know what they say… Too many gooks spoil the broth.”
Continue ReadingI never bookmark webpages …
I never bookmark webpages, I just fold down the corner of the internet
Continue ReadingPrison walls are never bu …
Prison walls are never built to scale.
Continue ReadingI would like to write a m …
I would like to write a movie about a shepherd who loves to cook, and works with M15 and the SIS. It will be called Shepherd Spy…..
Continue ReadingI’ve just started a new j …
I’ve just started a new job, and already I’ve set myself a new target. The Paki kid in accounts.
Continue ReadingCamomile. Not really my c …
Camomile. Not really my cup of tea….
Continue ReadingI have just started datin …
I have just started dating an escape artist. She’s brilliant in the sack.
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