The wife rang me from her …
The wife rang me from her boat trip but the reception out at sea isn’t good so I’ll could hear was ‘syncing’ and ‘The Police.’ She always liked Sting so she must be pretty excited
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Where do Americans go for …
Where do Americans go for seconds of curry? Baltimore.
Continue ReadingMy tedious mate won’t shu …
My tedious mate won’t shut up about a Group 13 metalloid with atomic number 5. Bore on.
Continue ReadingUpon reaching the peak of …
Upon reaching the peak of Everest with my wife, we realised that there was only enough oxygen left for one of us to get back down. So I did the descent thing…
Continue ReadingI decided that becoming a …
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Continue ReadingI think deploying the arm …
I think deploying the army to help Olympic security may be a ploy to help us win more medals. Our record with foreigners, armed security and the London underground, isn’t the best around.
Continue ReadingWhen is the best time to …
When is the best time to meet up with Elastoman? Anytime, because he’s flexible.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a man wi …
What do you call a man with a number plate on his head? Reg.
Continue ReadingThere was a break-in at t …
There was a break-in at the Dublin hall of mirrors last night. So far, Irish police have arrested 15 midgets and a 7ft anorexic woman.
Continue ReadingYesterday, in a bush next …
Yesterday, in a bush next to a park, I was waiting for my chance to strike. What a strange place to hold a bowling tournament.
Continue ReadingMy mate handed me a broke …
My mate handed me a broken valium pill last night. It was a bit of a downer.
Continue ReadingYou wouldn’t believe how …
You wouldn’t believe how many hoops I had to jump through to get my job with the Police dog display team.
Continue ReadingI was nervous at first. I …
I was nervous at first. It was big & long and went straight up. I had to try it…I eased myself onto it and I liked it. I went up and down, up and down. I love escalators now!
Continue ReadingI’m a bomb disposal exper …
I’m a bomb disposal expert. They go in the grey, non recycling bins.
Continue ReadingI don’t know who came up …
I don’t know who came up with the idea that walking the dog is a good way to pick up woman. Whenever I’m out walking with my wife no one gives me a second look.
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